Sunday, April 29, 2012

Panic Attack

My sister Sue Ellen and I outside our home on Easter circa 1964.

May 10th is the tentative date for closing on my family home. Fifty three years ago my parents brought the house on School Street they turned into our home.  I loved growing up in this home..in the wonderful and beautiful town of Califon, New Jersey.  My friends and I were never bored.  We had our baseball games, football games, and bikes that would take us through some of the most beautiful countryside in the world.  We had fun fishing and ice skating on the Raritan River.  I would want every child to be able to grow up in a town like Califon!

My family home holds not only memories but many, many boxes of mementos from 1959 until 2008.  I have gone through hundreds of boxes over the past few years thinking I was on top of things.  Well, a closer look at the attic this weekend revealed many boxes and bags in the far corners not visible without a flashlight.  I am overwhelmed with the amount of stuff my parents left behind.

I have some hard working days ahead of me to have this house cleaned out by May 10th. 

But I am most concerned about my emotional reaction because I am panicking.  I think about mom, dad, Tom and especially Tommy.  It was so hard for me to watch Tommy's things being carted away this weekend.  Mom's things are disappearing and my father's things are going too.  Tom's few belongings are going back with me to Pa.  I love them and miss them all so much that I feel I cannot breathe...my heart skips beats and I sense my mortality.  I have such empathy (that I wish I had back when it was needed) for what mom and dad went through when they lost their parents. 

Soon I will drive away from the house I considered my family home for 53 years..will I cry, will I become incapacitated or will I only be focused on the tasks that I must tackle at my house in Wilson Boro Pa?  I hope I will take inventory and say this is a new adventure.  In the end we cannot take any "things" with us.

There are new paths for me to travel, and more memories to make! 

Thank you Stephen, Alison, Tony, Sue, John, Patty and Carole for your help..I am so grateful!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Little "Bubbie" Bear

I have written about my beloved son Tommy who passed away 7 years ago.  He left behind many broken hearts.  But probably the one with the biggest broken heart was Tommy's Miniature Pinscher, Little "Bubbie" Bear.  Tommy and Bubbie were inseparable.

Bubbie was born 15 1/2 years ago. He was 8 weeks old when we purchased him from a local pet store.  We soon found out that he was a puppy mill puppy..almost sent him back..but his personality won our hearts!

Bubbie was big for a Miniature Pinscher..several inches too tall.  His size matched his exuberant personality. 

Not long before we bought Bubbie we acquired Chocolate "Chippie" Chip...another puppy mill puppy.  Chippie was small and so very sweet, he just wanted to curl up on a shoulder and sleep!  Bubbie, on the other hand, wanted to explore for any possible "chewy" item.  While our Chippie was docile and sweet, our Bubbie was adventurous and passionate.  They made an interesting couple!

We knew that Chippie and Bubbie probably inherited some health problems.  Chippie  was diagnosed with Diabetes before he was one..two insulin shots every day for the rest of his life. But Bubbie was seemingly very healthy...even super healthy!

Adorable Chippie passed away at 9 1/2 years of age, 4 1/2 years longer than the life expectancy our Vet gave us.  It was a devastating loss to us, but Bubbie lost his "brother".

Through out his life Bubbie was been fiercely loyal and devoted.  He spent much of his youth living in Easton, Pa.  At night Bubbie would sometimes refuse to come back inside the house. He loved to hide in the bushes..his feet pulsating in a loud pitter-pat.  He thought this was a really fun game.  One night before Christmas..many years ago..he escaped from the yard..we were frantic.  We searched the streets calling his name..I swear I heard the pitter-pat of his feet, but he would not come to us.  We alerted the authorities and the next day I got a call from the ASPCA..Bubbie was there and I needed $15.00 to bail him out.


Seven years ago after attending Saturday evening Mass I got an urgent message from Tommy.  He took Bubbie with him on a nature trail for a run.  Bubbie, who was off his leash, took off and didn't come back.  Tommy and Bubbie had gone on trail runs many times and Bubbie had never run off like that.  I called my son Steve and we rushed to Tommy's side.  For 6 days we searched for Bubbie.  Coyotes were rampant in the area and we feared for Bubbie's life.  On the 6th day I got a phone call from a farmer's wife..they found Bubbie curled up sound asleep next to their German Shepherd.  We were overjoyed!  Tommy immediately went to get Bubbie; we were so grateful that Bubbie still had his collar because it had our contact information on it.  Bubbie was noticeably thinner, but still as feisty as ever!

The past few years have been difficult for Bubbie.  He developed fatty tumors and began to show symptoms of Dementia.  He often didn't seem to know us and he would wander around as if he was lost.  He developed advance liver disease and often had problem keeping food down.  Two nights before he passed he had several disturbing incidents that turned out to be seizures.  He was suffering and there was no way he would get better.  It was time for Bubbie to go back to Tommy...back to his best-bud..running in the fields and sleeping under the stars. 

We love you Bub..we miss you.... you and Tommy will be in our hearts forever.  You are two stars in the sky and we will be together again, in time.

Tommy took this picture of Bubbie sleeping, rest in peace sweet Bubbie Bear!  We love you!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Why is Growing Old so Bad?

I watched Sunday Morning today on CBS.  The wonderful Patti Smith was interviewed by Anthony Mason.  I already loved her, but I love her even more because she made it clear she is proud of who she is today.  She is 65, not 25 and she wants to look her age.  I think she is beautiful, as beautiful as she was back in 1976.



http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57407610/patti-smith-an-artist-never-at-rest/?tag=cbsnewsTwoColUpperPromoArea

There is a disturbing movement in this country, women seem to think they should remain "youthful" forever.  What is so wrong with growing old?

Jane Fonda, who always said she would age gracefully, had plastic surgery.  I see her as the eternal hypocrite!



Joan Rivers is the poster "old woman" of plastic surgery.  I love her sense of humor, but she has a really scary face!   Give me wrinkles please!


A couple days ago I read an article where the eternally beautiful Susan Sarandon said she would consider some type of surgery.   I love her beautiful face just the way it is!



Katherine Hepburn never had surgery but was an amazingly beautiful woman until she died.


Lauren Hutton is aging so beautifully..so gracefully!


My mother was a beautiful young woman.


And she was a beautiful  88 year old woman too!


I am with Patti..what is wrong with being 55, 60, 65, 70 or 100?  The numbers represent a long life full of many memories!  I say be proud of the numbers...life is a precious gift...the more years the greater the gift!  I am grateful for the many "gifts" I have been given!