new goal

I have decided to set a new goal for myself. I now have a goal to run a marathon. I still have to choose which marathon I will run, but I have chosen my Trainer and training program. I have decided to follow Jill Bruyere and Yuri Elkaim's First Marathon Made Easy Program, with Jill Bruyere as my Trainer. I will follow their program and receive monthly coaching sessions from Jill.

I do have to say that I was very excited when I finally made my decision, but within a few hours I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the prospect of running 26.2 miles.

Just being able to run for 40 minutes plus straight, has given me such confidence. What I thought was impossible is achievable!

I hope you feel the same as I do, that life is full of possibilities! Yes, it has sadness and struggles, but it has so much joy! I am going to cling to the "joy" and run like hell with it!

Journey

I have been trying to increase my mileage over the past month. I am now up to 4 miles and I love it! I am still slow, but if I incorporate speed training I am sure my mileage will improve. The question is, do I want to incorporate speed training? I always hated it in the past and only did it because I felt I "had" to. But if I want to get faster, I need to train.
In life we have many choices to make, some are easy but many are not so easy. Sometimes things happen out of our control and we are faced with incredible hardships. Through it all we do have some control. Some times we are at fault for what happens, but sometimes we are the victims. No matter what, we still have choices, we can change our ways and we can overcome any hardship if we truly want to. Bad things happen all the time to everyone. Many bad things have happened in my life. Many of them were out of my control, but many were also my fault. We can't hold onto these events, just learn from them and move on. I cannot blame something that happened to me 40 years ago for a mistake that I made today. I have to take responsibility for my mistakes and learn from them. Life is a journey, it can be a joyful one, or it can be a miserable one, it is YOUR choice. I choose to think of my life as a joyful, exciting journey. Yes, I lost my precious son Tommy, but what a wonderful son, brother and grandson. He was a great blessing. I lost my husband after we remarried. I thought we would be together for 20 or 30 more years, but I was wrong. I wouldn't trade one moment of our time together. He was my partner, my love, my strength.
Will I incorporate speed training? Yes, I think I will, only because I have a goal of running faster. I believe we can accomplish any goal we set for ourselves. Life is a challenge, but the rewards are worth it! I don't want to walk away from any of life's challenges, there is just too much to be gained from them, too much to be learned!

AUGUST

I haven't written at all this month, but that doesn't mean I haven't kept up with my running. As a matter of fact, my running has been my life saver. Any time I can run, any time I can jump on my trail bike and ride, I grab the chance as if life itself depended on it! Running gives me freedom from the stresses of day to day living and it gives me the inspiration to move forward. I, like so many of my peers, have to watch over my mother's care and finances. This means that in order for her to be in a wonderful nursing home like Country Arch, I have to pay all of her expenses including her property taxes, property upkeep and any other bills she owes (such as credit cards) because all her income has to go to the nursing home. I have used up all my retirement savings , so now I have to wait to retire until I have a chance to rebuild my retirement account. I don't resent this because my mom was always there for me and I will be there for her. I love her; love means more than money!
It hurts that I am alone in caring for my mom.  But I will not abandon my mother at her time of need. She is a sweet lady and the best mom; I love her with all my heart!
Life is so precious..we never know when it will end. I intend to live it at its fullest...running, loving, caring and enjoying every second! But most of all I will be true to those I love in their time of need.

Abandonment

I ran this morning for 30 minutes with complete abandonment. I din't care where I ran or how fast I ran. I only knew that I was completely carefree and did not have any limits. I can say that this was an incredible time...no limits, no judgement. Just me and the joy of complete freedom!
I started this blog back in February and I feel I have lived a life-time since then. I had a goal of running 30 minutes straight...I have more than achieved that since I can not only run 30 minutes + on the treadmill but can run well over 30 minutes on the "road".
I have had some disappointments..I had a "relative" post some nasty, vindictive comments on my Facebook page. I was so hurt, but lies are lies and they never trump the truth! So I am okay now.
I miss my Tommy and I miss my Tom, but I feel they are still with me; they still are my guys.
Running has not only given me hope for my future, but peace with my past. I am moving forward...who knows what the future holds! I am excited..life really is a "happily ever after"...

Harmony

Yesterday and today I took a mountain bike ride on the Colombian Trail. I rode the 14 mile round trip distance both days. I cherish the beauty of the trail that runs where the old railroad tracks once existed. The trail takes you between High Bridge and Vernoy, running through the Ken Lockwood Gorge. The old, opened rail road bridge that we carefully crossed as children, is now a concrete cross way with tall fences on both sides to prevent one from falling into the Gorge. Every time I cross it I think of how we would put our ear to the track to "listen" for an on-coming train. I have so many wonderful memories of camping up over the bridge.

The day was extremely warm, but you couldn't feel it on the trail. There was a strong breeze flowing through the trees that shaded you from the glaring sun. Birds were singing and the butterflies were actively fluttering around. It was like being in heaven.

I run at Vorhees State Park during the work week at 6am in the morning. I feel the same joy and harmony with nature when I run. The picture above is the trail I run. It is in this area that I have seen a black bear. He is small and young, no more than 150lbs. He looks at me as if to say "Nice morning, isn't it?". We go about our business, respecting each other. I have no fear of him, or any of the other animals I may encounter during my runs or bike rides. I am often asked why I am not afraid and I say I am not afraid of the four legged beasts, but I am afraid of the "two legged beasts".

This week was a trying week for me. I am anxious about a photo shoot scheduled for this Tuesday..I am afraid that my "after shot" will look exactly like my "before" picture. Oh well, as my mom would say, "it is what it is". This week was also the week that I posted a comment on my Facebook page that was sincere and definitely not a secret to my family. Someone responded with nasty, vicious, vindictive and completely untrue comments. I was absolutely shocked. I posted my comment and went to bed, I woke up at around 5am to find the terrible lashing out. I was so hurt and embarrassed. But I will say that I will not be bullied and I will not be told what I can discuss with my friends. I will say what I feel and I will reach out to my friends because I so appreciate their suggestions and their support.

The black bear treated me with more respect than my own "relative". People have the capacity to be so vindictive, so cruel and they have the ability to be so kind and compassionate. I do believe that the vast majority of people are the kind and compassionate ones. But there are enough vindictive, cruel ones to keep me on guard. Maybe it is a result of being a social worker for so many years. I have seen the very best and the most depraved human conduct. I just never thought it would hit so close to home.

I choose to live in a world that is beautiful and balanced. Where everyone strives to treat each other with respect. I really believe that the vast majority of creatures on this earth do value each other and truly want to live in harmony.

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Going Home!

Last weekend I ran my first 5K in 30 years. I felt a little sad that my time was longer than I hoped, but I finished the race and ran the entire time! What was at first a disappointment, soon became an inspiration. I found myself running for 40 minutes straight, four times in the past week. Each time, after about 10-15 minutes, I experienced a feeling of being only in the moment...there was no past, no future, just me moving freely like a slow breeze. My feet felt soft, my legs were strong and my breath was in rhythm. This was a feeling I have longed to experience again for a very long time. I loved the " runner's high" I used to feel. I gave it up because of life's demands, but I was so happy to once again experience its joy! It was like going home! I do not want to ever lose this feeling again!


Unfortunately, coming back to Califon, town I love, the town I grew up in, has not completely been like "going home". My husband and I moved back home temporarily to help care for my mother after she suffered a stroke. Don't get me wrong, Califon will always be my "home" no matter what, but one of my mother's neighbors has really changed this town for me. He has made such shocking scenes over the past few years that my Aunt dubbed him "The dirty, ugly man". The Califon I grew up in had a mix of personalities who had their own opinions and life styles, but the one thing that was common was a sense of community. Someone might hurt your feelings or annoy you, but differences were always somehow worked out. I never remember anyone filing false claims against someone or bearing false witness, ever! Califon was a safe place. I had my parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles who lived in town, but any of my friend's parents would have looked out for me the same as any of my family members, and vice-versa.

I guess it is only natural that communities grow and change, and Califon still has some of the nicest people you would ever want to know. Many of them are people I have known my whole life, who continue to live in or around town. So Califon does have some of the "old neighborhood" feel to it. And I am comforted that I can still feel "at home" when I run; one "nasty neighbor" can never take that away from me!

By the way, if you want to meet some of the nicest people in the world go to the Facebook page "Califon Memories".