Life Means Love and Caring

I am embarking on the next phase of my life.  I am finally returning to my little half-double home in Wilson, Pennsylvania.  The little home I raised my children in and where I nurtured my gardens.  My home that saw the passing of treasured pets: Sylvester, Santa Claws , Miss Maddie and precious little Chocolate Chip.  I took Doodles with me to Califon in 2007, she passed away in 2008 never to return to her home in Wilson again.  My home in Wilson is a tiny house full of big memories.

Tommy would come to Wilson so often.  He would notice when something needed repair long before I would, and he would make the repair.  When he arrived with an 8  pack of bottles of beer I knew it was pizza night.  We would watch the old movies on Turner Classic Movies  because it is fun to see the past and enjoy some of the greatest cinematic moments of all time. 

Tommy was the man of the house, even if he resided with mom in Califon. 

Mom often came to visit Wilson.  She wished I lived closer to her, in a "better" neighborhood.  She even stayed overnight, sleeping on the couch.  I miss her so much and I wish I could afford to stay in Califon.

Tom and I remarried in Wilson in 2006 and became partners in life. One of our favorite activities was hiking along the Lehigh River every weekend before going to Califon in 2007.  He was my constant support, my loving husband.  He was wonderful to my mother and relished his role as "Pappy" to little Alex.  I have so many wonderful memories!  I miss him so much, I never thought he would leave this life so soon.

I have to decide whether to take a feral cat I named Yogi back to Wilson.  Yogi arrived last winter in my mom's garage.  I fed Yogi and talked to him, slowly he began to trust me and eventually became attached to me, but he hates being inside.  He would absolutely hate Wilson, a small city.  I want him with me because I love him, but I also want him to be where he is free and happy.  I want to know someone is looking out for him.  He is the only reason I wish I could win the lottery so I could buy my sibling out and pay for all my mom's bills allowing me to stay in the house in Califon.  I love Yogi!

My Yogi, I really want her to stay with me, but am I being selfish?

My home in Wilson is in disrepair.  At least those who lived there replaced the bathroom pipes but they left a gaping hole in the dining room ceiling that needs repair.  In addition, the bathroom floor is rotted and the kitchen tiles are warped and need replacement.  The living room floor needs refinishing and the bathroom and kitchen need updating.  All the walls need repainting. The outside needs repainting and the roof will need to be replace within the next couple years.  I certainly have my work cut out for me!

I am looking forward to this as a new adventure.  I refuse to look at it in a negative way because I have so much to look forward to!  I have my Alex and little Rowan; I am really excited about watching them grow.  I want to be in their lives as long as possible; I want to cherish every single moment of my wonderful life! 

 

Finally Going Home

My house, with my son and brother-in-law standing in front, shortly before I left to go to my mother's home. 

I planned on writing a new post weeks ago, but I have been forced to make some very important decisions so I needed time.

Over the past 5 years, my life had somehow gotten out of my control.  Mom was sick, Tom and I came to Califon to care for her.  Tom got sick and passed away 1 1/2 years later.  Six months after Tom passed my mother had her second stroke and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  She went into a nursing home while I tried to Get her second property, a 1/2 acre lot, sold so that I could make alterations to her house (a ramp both outside and in the house from the family room to the main floor, and alterations to the bathroom) and bring her home.  I put in for an early retirement when it seemed we had a "doable" contract on the lot in 2010.  When the sale fell through I was devastated. Thank God I was able to cancel my early retirement application!

After the contract on the lot fell through I decided it was time to sell mom's home and return to Pennsylvania.  I knew that with the decline in the economy my mother's lot would not yield enough to pay off the Medicaid lien and pay for the alterations to her home that were needed in order to bring her home.   My sister was so angry about my decision she threatened to take legal action if I sold mom's home.  She wanted me to remain in the home because as long as I, the caretaker of our mother for over 2 years, remained in the home Medicaid would not be able to place a lien on the house; only the 1/2 acre lot.  So I remained in the house, with double bills coming in.  There were water, heat, electric, garbage, home owner's insurance and property taxes due for two properties and I paid them all as best I could.

Mom passed from advanced stages of Alzheimer's and Urosepsis on October 20 2011.  I continued to stay in the house in order to protect it from intruders and to get it cleaned out.  There were things, lots of things, in the house.  Bills, checks, correspondence and advertisements from 1959 until 2008 in hundreds of boxes.  The boxes lined the walls of mom's room, the middle bedroom and the attic.  It took months to go through them.  In them we would find some treasures like jewelry, dollar bills, Baptism records, beautiful pictures of family and poems written by my mother.  I am close to being through the last of the boxes; boxes that have resulted in new boxes full of treasures that I will chronicle in my scrapbook.

I have been at the mercy of what others want, or demand.  It is time to take control of my life back!

I think it is time to go home.  My home is in a horrid state.  Those who lived there without having to pay rent have left it in a deplorable state.  It will take me a while to make repairs.  At least they did replace the pipes that were damaged; I am grateful for that.  But they did not replace the big gaping hole in the dining room ceiling.

My journey with my mother is not so different form many of my peers.  At our age we suddenly find ourselves becoming "parents" to our parents.  It is a role that is noble, one embraced with love and gratitude.  After all, our parents gave us so much; they wanted us to have all the things they were denied as children.  They were members of the "greatest generation".  They grew up during the Great Depression and fought during WWII.  They knew the true meaning of sacrifice, and they knew that in order to survive one had to be tough and work hard.  It was an honor to take care of my mother. 

Now it is time for me to take responsibility for my own life, my own home.  Maybe I should have been stricter with those left in charge, but that is a mute point now.  I am responsible for the decisions I made when going to my mother's house, and the consequences.  I will miss the beautiful town of Califon and the big yard, but it feels right to be going back to my little half-double in Wilson. 

I have a lot of work to do on my house.  The bathroom and kitchen need remodeling, the walls need painting, the roof will have to be replaced and I will need new siding.  It will take a while to get all those tasks completed.  In addition I will have to find new trails on which I can run and ride my mountain bike.   Many new adventures await me as I move forward!

My house in Wilson:

https://maps.google.com/maps?q=2436+sycamore+street,+easton,+pa+18042&hl=en&ll=40.679058,-75.244889&spn=0.000508,0.001321&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.724817,86.572266&hnear=2436+Sycamore+St,+Easton,+Pennsylvania+18042&t=h&z=20&iwloc=A

Chickens versus life long residents

I wrote the following "letter" after the most recent contract to sell my parent's properties fell apart.  I do not understand how something like this could happen.  Don't we live in a  Democracy..where freedom, disclosure and rights are supposedly protected?  I guess basic human rights are not respected in the town of Califon, New Jersey: 

"I am writing in regard to my parent's estate, Alexander R. Dunn and Carol G. Dunn of Califon, New Jersey. I am Executor of the estate, attempting to sell their two properties. On May 24, 2012 I learned that Elizabeth McKenzie, Planner for the Planning Board of Califon Borough, wrote a note to file stating that my parent's lots were "merged" as a result of her interpretation of the Merger Doctrine.

The Merger Doctrine, first articulated by the Supreme Court in Loechner v. Campoli, 49 N.J.504 (1967), governs if two separate but adjacent lots can be deemed to be one merged lot. There have been successful challenges to the Merger Doctrine such as Pribish v. Corbett, 105 N.J. Supr. 407 (App. Div. 1969), Chirichello v. Zoning Board of Adjustment 78 N.J.544(1979),Jock v. Zoning Board of Adjustment, 371 N.J. Super. 547 (app. Div. 2004) or N.J.S.A. 40:55D-72(a). Chicalese v. Monroe Tp. Plan. Bd., 334 N.J. Super. 413, 423 (Law Div. 2000). These cases are too complicated for me to summarize in this letter but in all them it was clear that before determining that two adjacent non-conforming lots are indeed merged, Municipalities must carefully consider the property owner's rights.

In my parent's case the two adjoining lots are 1/2 acre and 1 acre respectively. The one acre lot is a conforming lot. The 1/2 acre lot is short a minimal amount of frontage, all that is needed a slight lot line adjustment to make it fully conforming. The lot line adjustment will not adversely affect either of the lots, the environment or the neighborhood. This minor change would result in two perfectly conforming lots. The 1/2 acre lot was never considered part of the main property, was never developed in any way ( Bridge v. Zoning Board of Adjustment, 233 N.J. Super. 587 ). My parent's never erected any structures on the 1/2 acre lot. It was always considered an investment, an insurance policy of sorts, and I was instructed to sell the lot if money was needed to help pay for my parent's care as they aged. This lot has been for sale for the past three years. For two of those years we have attempted to get the lot line adjustment approved by the Califon Planning Board.

I do not understand why a Planning Board would accept an interpretation of a law made by someone who is not an attorney. This interpretation has resulted in extreme financial hardship and emotional distress for my family. I understand Ms. McKenzie made this interpretation, leaving notes in the files of property owners who had two adjacent properties that she felt should be considered merged. I understand that none of the property owners were notified of her decision. They were not given an opportunity to appeal to the Zoning Board of Adjustment (N.J.S.A. 40:55D-72(a). Chicalese v. Monroe Tp. Plan. Bd., 334 N.J. Super. 413, 423 ). They were not given the opportunity to formally merge their properties if they so wished, thereby lowering their property taxes. In fact, it is my understanding that some elected officials deliberately did not want property owners to know for fear of a lower tax base in the town.

As elected/appointed Officials the Mayor and Planning Board have a moral, professional and ethical responsibility to protect the rights of tax paying property owner in the borough of Califon, New Jersey. My parents paid separate taxes on the two properties for 53 years. In fact last year the town of Califon had both properties reassessed; two separate assessments and two separate tax bills. I truly believe that in the case of my parent's two adjoining properties the Doctrine of Merger has been misapplied by Ms. McKenzie.

My parents loved the town of Califon. My mother's Uncle Elston Beaty, was the first Mayor of Califon. Her father, Harry G. Geist was also mayor for many years. Her mother, Helen Haggerty Geist wrote The Califon Story. My mother taught Kindergarten, music and reading in the Califon Elementary School for over 33 years. She was Organist and Choir Director at the Califon Methodist Church for almost 50 years. My father was a Scout Leader and member of the Planning Board in Califon. My father was a member of the Califon Volunteer Fireman Company. He taught Chemistry and Physics at North Hunterdon High School for over 30 years. They believed in their community and helped make the town of Califon what it is today. I do not understand how this can happen.

I urge the Planning Board of Califon to do the right thing and remove Ms. McKenzie's note from my parent's file. Both lots can be made conforming with a simple lot line adjustment. Please help us to move forward towards settling the estate as intended by my parents.

Sincerely

Noel Dunn Brown"

It is interesting that the Mayor of Califon, after he found out he had chickens that were illegal according to a town ordinance, pushed to have the ordinance changed.  He did not "vote" on the change, but he sure rallied behind it, so did the members of the Planning Board.  They challenge the rights of chickens, but not the rights of property owners! 
http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&key=6bb099c03c841e0aa94311ac07580ace&loc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.backyardchickens.com%2Ft%2F390856%2Fsupport-chickens-in-califon-nj-hunterdon-county-meeting-tonight&v=1&libid=1339112850658&out=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nj.com%2Fhunterdon-county-democrat%2Findex.ssf%2F2010%2F08%2Fchickens_should_be_allowed_in.html&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Furl%3Fsa%3Dt%26rct%3Dj%26q%3D%26esrc%3Ds%26frm%3D1%26source%3Dweb%26cd%3D1%26ved%3D0CHQQFjAA%26url%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.backyardchickens.com%252Ft%252F390856%252Fsupport-chickens-in-califon-nj-hunterdon-county-meeting-tonight%26ei%3DgT3RT635Daiz6gG1rZX8Ag%26usg%3DAFQjCNHWWJ6cExXhrfsXulxpRog-B1pMcA%26sig2%3D8LxKc8Lv0UjwMoKjouCdmA&title=Support%20Chickens%20in%20Califon%2C%20NJ%20(Hunterdon%20County)%20-%20Meeting%20TONIGHT&txt=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nj.com%2Fhunterdon-county-democrat%2Findex.ssf%2F2010%2F08%2Fchickens_should_be_allowed_in.html&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_13391128834483

Tossing my bridal bouquet in the back yard of my family home June 9, 1973.  The home holds so many wonderful memories!

Yogurt..Yogi for short

Yogi

In the mist of trying to clean out my mother's home (while feeling the excruciating pain of losing her)  a cat showed up on the front porch.  He was skittish at first, running away from me when I tried to get near him.  I put food out for him on the porch and in the garage.  The weather was still very cold so at first he settled in the garage under a bunch of boxes I had tied together for recycling.  He would not come close enough for me to pet him for several weeks.  He was so frightened of any noises..any sudden movements. 

Several times I thought I was rescuing him from the trees, but eventually understood that he climbed trees to sleep, to be safe from the dangers below.  After time, he would see me, meow and walk down the tree limbs like they were a spiral staircase.  He did not need a rescue...he had found a way to survive by seeking solace in the highest limbs of a tree.

I have been taught a valuable lesson of survival from a precious kitty who is a great survivor.  He is not a feral cat; he is an abandoned cat.  At times he purrs so loudly and hangs so closely to me now that I feel he is my BFF!  He is loving, grateful, giving and devoted.  He has taught me that love overcomes everything...pain, loss, anxiety, loneliness...his purring is so healing.  A precious kitty...abandoned, unloved and neglected came to me and gave so much love that I now feel among the living again.  Initially I named him Yogurt (he looked like Mel Brook's character Yogurt from the movie Space Balls when I first saw him), but now I call him Yogi, which means "master of oneself".  Yogi is helping me to be the master of myself again.  Love you Yogi! You are so precious!

SleepyYogi

Panic Attack

My sister Sue Ellen and I outside our home on Easter circa 1964.

May 10th is the tentative date for closing on my family home. Fifty three years ago my parents brought the house on School Street they turned into our home.  I loved growing up in this home..in the wonderful and beautiful town of Califon, New Jersey.  My friends and I were never bored.  We had our baseball games, football games, and bikes that would take us through some of the most beautiful countryside in the world.  We had fun fishing and ice skating on the Raritan River.  I would want every child to be able to grow up in a town like Califon!

My family home holds not only memories but many, many boxes of mementos from 1959 until 2008.  I have gone through hundreds of boxes over the past few years thinking I was on top of things.  Well, a closer look at the attic this weekend revealed many boxes and bags in the far corners not visible without a flashlight.  I am overwhelmed with the amount of stuff my parents left behind.

I have some hard working days ahead of me to have this house cleaned out by May 10th. 

But I am most concerned about my emotional reaction because I am panicking.  I think about mom, dad, Tom and especially Tommy.  It was so hard for me to watch Tommy's things being carted away this weekend.  Mom's things are disappearing and my father's things are going too.  Tom's few belongings are going back with me to Pa.  I love them and miss them all so much that I feel I cannot breathe...my heart skips beats and I sense my mortality.  I have such empathy (that I wish I had back when it was needed) for what mom and dad went through when they lost their parents. 

Soon I will drive away from the house I considered my family home for 53 years..will I cry, will I become incapacitated or will I only be focused on the tasks that I must tackle at my house in Wilson Boro Pa?  I hope I will take inventory and say this is a new adventure.  In the end we cannot take any "things" with us.

There are new paths for me to travel, and more memories to make! 

Thank you Stephen, Alison, Tony, Sue, John, Patty and Carole for your help..I am so grateful!

Little "Bubbie" Bear

I have written about my beloved son Tommy who passed away 7 years ago.  He left behind many broken hearts.  But probably the one with the biggest broken heart was Tommy's Miniature Pinscher, Little "Bubbie" Bear.  Tommy and Bubbie were inseparable.

Bubbie was born 15 1/2 years ago. He was 8 weeks old when we purchased him from a local pet store.  We soon found out that he was a puppy mill puppy..almost sent him back..but his personality won our hearts!

Bubbie was big for a Miniature Pinscher..several inches too tall.  His size matched his exuberant personality. 

Not long before we bought Bubbie we acquired Chocolate "Chippie" Chip...another puppy mill puppy.  Chippie was small and so very sweet, he just wanted to curl up on a shoulder and sleep!  Bubbie, on the other hand, wanted to explore for any possible "chewy" item.  While our Chippie was docile and sweet, our Bubbie was adventurous and passionate.  They made an interesting couple!

We knew that Chippie and Bubbie probably inherited some health problems.  Chippie  was diagnosed with Diabetes before he was one..two insulin shots every day for the rest of his life. But Bubbie was seemingly very healthy...even super healthy!

Adorable Chippie passed away at 9 1/2 years of age, 4 1/2 years longer than the life expectancy our Vet gave us.  It was a devastating loss to us, but Bubbie lost his "brother".

Through out his life Bubbie was been fiercely loyal and devoted.  He spent much of his youth living in Easton, Pa.  At night Bubbie would sometimes refuse to come back inside the house. He loved to hide in the bushes..his feet pulsating in a loud pitter-pat.  He thought this was a really fun game.  One night before Christmas..many years ago..he escaped from the yard..we were frantic.  We searched the streets calling his name..I swear I heard the pitter-pat of his feet, but he would not come to us.  We alerted the authorities and the next day I got a call from the ASPCA..Bubbie was there and I needed $15.00 to bail him out.


Seven years ago after attending Saturday evening Mass I got an urgent message from Tommy.  He took Bubbie with him on a nature trail for a run.  Bubbie, who was off his leash, took off and didn't come back.  Tommy and Bubbie had gone on trail runs many times and Bubbie had never run off like that.  I called my son Steve and we rushed to Tommy's side.  For 6 days we searched for Bubbie.  Coyotes were rampant in the area and we feared for Bubbie's life.  On the 6th day I got a phone call from a farmer's wife..they found Bubbie curled up sound asleep next to their German Shepherd.  We were overjoyed!  Tommy immediately went to get Bubbie; we were so grateful that Bubbie still had his collar because it had our contact information on it.  Bubbie was noticeably thinner, but still as feisty as ever!

The past few years have been difficult for Bubbie.  He developed fatty tumors and began to show symptoms of Dementia.  He often didn't seem to know us and he would wander around as if he was lost.  He developed advance liver disease and often had problem keeping food down.  Two nights before he passed he had several disturbing incidents that turned out to be seizures.  He was suffering and there was no way he would get better.  It was time for Bubbie to go back to Tommy...back to his best-bud..running in the fields and sleeping under the stars. 

We love you Bub..we miss you.... you and Tommy will be in our hearts forever.  You are two stars in the sky and we will be together again, in time.

Tommy took this picture of Bubbie sleeping, rest in peace sweet Bubbie Bear!  We love you!

Why is Growing Old so Bad?

I watched Sunday Morning today on CBS.  The wonderful Patti Smith was interviewed by Anthony Mason.  I already loved her, but I love her even more because she made it clear she is proud of who she is today.  She is 65, not 25 and she wants to look her age.  I think she is beautiful, as beautiful as she was back in 1976.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57407610/patti-smith-an-artist-never-at-rest/?tag=cbsnewsTwoColUpperPromoArea

There is a disturbing movement in this country, women seem to think they should remain "youthful" forever.  What is so wrong with growing old?

Jane Fonda, who always said she would age gracefully, had plastic surgery.  I see her as the eternal hypocrite!

Joan Rivers is the poster "old woman" of plastic surgery.  I love her sense of humor, but she has a really scary face!   Give me wrinkles please!

A couple days ago I read an article where the eternally beautiful Susan Sarandon said she would consider some type of surgery.   I love her beautiful face just the way it is!

Katherine Hepburn never had surgery but was an amazingly beautiful woman until she died.

Lauren Hutton is aging so beautifully..so gracefully!

My mother was a beautiful young woman.

And she was a beautiful  88 year old woman too!

I am with Patti..what is wrong with being 55, 60, 65, 70 or 100?  The numbers represent a long life full of many memories!  I say be proud of the numbers...life is a precious gift...the more years the greater the gift!  I am grateful for the many "gifts" I have been given!