Silent Violins

It has been almost 7 years since Tommy died, 4 years since Tom died and 5 months since mom died.  The silence in this house is a constant reminder of their passing. 


I go through their private belongings making the choice to keep, sell or throw them away.  It is time consuming and heart breaking.


I know I have to get through this, but I just want to run away to the end of the earth and never come back.  Every item I go through or have to throw out, sell or donate is a constant reminder of the loved one I have lost.


It is a two edged sword...I miss them desperately but I am so grateful that I had them in my life. 


My mother was a musician.  She played the piano, organ and violin.  She played in the New Jersey and Hunterdon County Symphonies where she was first chair First Violin.  Mom made beautiful music when she gently pressed the bow against the violin strings or pressed the piano/organ keys. She was far more gifted than she ever knew.


Mom kept her violins in her bedroom closet.  Tommy had one restrung for her, but she could not play it at the time because of an old injury.  We all longed to hear her play, but the beautiful restrung violin would remain silent. 


I long to hear my mother play...I long to hear my mother's voice, my son Tommy's voice and my husband Tom's voice, but there is only silence.

In the silence I remember so many special times.  I find myself smiling, my heart comforted.  I hear my mother playing in my memories..I hear Tommy's voice and see his impish smile.  I read the love note Tom has left in my car for me to find when I leave for work and I listen to his funny stories.  I have such wonderful memories.  The things they left behind may be silent but their memories are loud and clear.

                                                         My mother's silent violins.