Weather

The Trail is gone!

The weather has been so unsettled lately..I can't imagine what the people of Joplin Missouri are feeling right now.  So many lives lost; such heartache.  But among the survivors there is so much inspiration, such determination that they will overcome and rebuild their town.

We had a tornado watch here last night.  Visions of Missouri swarmed in my head.  I called my grown children to warn them of the possibility..to keep themselves safe..my precious little Alex safe.

I took my doggies, Beauregard my cat and my pocketbook down in the cellar and we waited for what seemed a year.  We were very fortunate, no tornadoes touched down but we did have torrential rain fall!

This morning I went to my "morning trail" to run.  This trail follows the Raritan River into Morris County, New Jersey.  I went about 1.25 miles only to find the river had taken over the trail, the woods and the fields,  I could not go any further.  The force of mother nature is awesome and frightening at the same time.  I had to cut my run short in that direction, but I was counting my blessings, I could turn around and run in the opposite direction and complete my run.  Plus, unlike so many families in Joplin, Missouri, I still have my home, I am very lucky indeed!

If you would like to help the people in Joplin here is a link to some websites:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/joplin-missouri-tornado-victims/story?id=13665690

Dreams

The tree of life

Maybe it was the prediction of an Apocalypse; yesterday was suppose to be the end of the world.  But here I am alive..I am not facing Saint Peter at the pearly gates...at least not yet.

Last night I didn't sleep well.  I tossed and turned...worried about something...uneasy...unnerved.  I dreamed about all the hurts I have caused, there were so many more than I would ever want to admit.  I felt the sorrow of every single one; it was excruciating.  The biggest hurts were those I caused to my children.  I wanted to go back and do all over, begged to go back, but I could not.  Because there are no second chances. 

I also dreamed of my Tom.  We were together..hiking in the woods..laughing and so very happy!  Tommy was there too, playing outside, all three of us gleefully enjoying each others company.  Stephen and Alison joined us later in the dream...little Alex was there too playing with his beloved "Pappy".

I woke up exhausted, as though I had lived a life time without sleep.  I did ride my bike today for 6 miles and I attempted to run.  It just wasn't happening; I was spent.  Tomorrow I will run my scheduled 4 miles. 

I will be taking my writing in a new direction.  I never really felt I belonged in the "bloggers world", but I do feel I belong somewhere in the "writers world".  I am looking forward to making a change and exploring all the possibilities!

In a way I felt that I did experience an Apocalypse...I had a dream that made me face my life...all the bad times..all the hurts...as well as the most precious moments.  I woke realizing I need to make changes in order to live my life in a more fulfilling way.  I do not see my "Apocalypse" as the end...but a new beginning!

The Park Police!

One of Vorhees State Park trails..I love to run there!

I have been so happy that my running is now pain free.  I am back on the trails, loving each step.

One of my favorite places to run and walk is Vorhees State Park.  I often run there very early in the morning and later in the evening.  The park has hours it is "opened", but I have always ignored those hours, as have many other people!  Usually the Park Police lock the gates that enclose the inner most part of the park at "closing time", but leave the entrance parking lot opened.  They have never told anyone to leave after the "closed" hour has past, in contrast they have smiled and waved to people who continue to enjoy the beauty of the park until sundown.

Well tonight there was a new Park Policeman on duty, and he apparently took his job a lot more seriously than the rest of us do.

The new Park Policeman has arrived!



This evening I went to the park to take a walk through the woods, as I ran earlier this morning at the Columbia Trail.  As soon as I parked my car at Vorhees, I noticed the Officer's truck parked near the entrance. I got out of my car and walked through the woods for about a mile and then exited the woods, I decided to walk down the road towards the lodge, only a distance of about a quarter mile.  Immediately I saw a vehicle enter the park.  The Police truck suddenly set off a series of horns with blinking lights from his truck.  The vehicle turned around and exited the park.  I looked at my watch...15 minutes past 7:00pm.  Then I checked the park hours sign...closing is 7pm.  I walked rapidly towards my car as the Officer's truck drove towards me..."Is that your car Mam?", the Officer asked.  I told him it was and that I lost track of time, after all we had a chilly rainy day and I wanted to take advantage of the "rainless", beautiful evening by enjoying a walk in the woods.  I noticed he had his computer on the in his truck, maybe to check out whether I was a wanted criminal.  Initially he gave me a sour look, but then he smiled, "Yes, Mam, I agree, it is a beautiful evening!", he said, abruptly driving off down the road.  When I got to my car I was so relieved to see that I did not have a ticket under my wiper blade.

I guess I am going to have to find a new place to run in the early hours, since Vorhees doesn't "open" until 8:00am.  I do not want to risk getting a ticket from the friendly Park Police Officer!

I know who I would love to have as the Park Police Officer........

Ranger Betty!



Ahhhh, Betty White.....don't you just love Betty!  I want Officer Betty at Vorhees!  She would lock the gates while wishing everyone a great workout!  

LIFE

Uncle Ralph and Aunt Betty, such a beautiful couple!

This week my Aunt Betty passed away.  She was a beautiful, outgoing and vibrant woman.  Unfortunately, her life was slowly taken away by Alzheimer's Disease.  Her beloved husband took care of her until his untimely death 3 years ago.  She has been in assisted living since.  She lost her eldest daughter Lynn soon after she lost her husband.  She continued to be watched over by her daughter Amy, her youngest child.

My heart goes out to Amy and her brothers Skip and Doug.

Life is precious but it is also fleeting.  Sitting, waiting for someone else to make life better is a waste of time.  It is in our hands to make life the best it can be, regardless of its set backs.

Aunt Betty was such a vibrant woman.  She would want those she loved to not look back, but live life to the absolute fullest! To appreciate the past and continue to love those who have left us; embracing the present while planning for the future.




 

The Long Goodbye

My 4th birthday, my mother holds the cake she baked while I pull the candles out,  She was the best Mom!

I have written about my mother.  She is suffering from Dementia and is now in the end stages.  She is incontinent, non-ambulatory and unable to feed herself.  She cannot hold a spoon, she cannot drink or eat without the threat of aspiration.  Her food must be pureed to a thick liquid and her liquids must be thickened to a soupy mixture, fed to her with a spoon.  She recently was hospitalized with aspiration pneumonia; we almost lost her.  She may be well enough to return to the nursing home tomorrow or Wednesday; we will see.

I hate Dementia!  It has taken a strong, vital, warm and funny woman and changed her into a fearful woman who no longer recognizes those who love her.  It truly is, as Maureen Regan said, "the long good-bye".
I hope I can avoid this horrible disease, even though many in my family have suffered from it.  I am, however, determined to do all I can not to suffer as my mother is suffering.

Will running, hiking and biking keep me from Dementia?  I do not know, but I am sure going to try!

I love my mother with all my heart and I wish I could make her better.  She was the best mother!  She always put everyone else first, herself last.  I am so grateful she was my mom!

Today was beautiful!  My mother looked out the window and said very softly "It is beautiful outside".  I told her I thought it was beautiful too.  I decided I would not waste this beautiful day.  It was the perfect day for my favorites...a 3 mile run and a 6 mile ride on my bike on the trails.  I love every moment I have to devote to my favorite things!  I decided I will devote my favorite things to my mother who can no longer do the things she loves.  I hope you took time to enjoy your favorite things too!

Optimistic

I am so happy to be running again on my favorite trails!  The weather has been warm and the sun shines brightly in the sky longer each day; I love it!  I don't have to start my half-marathon training yet, so I am running when I want and as far as I want. 

Monday I got a call from the nurse at my mom's nursing home.  My mother was diagnosed with Aspiration Pneumonia.  I spoke to the doctor and we decided to treat her with IV antibiotics in the nursing home.  My mom gets so confused and anxious when she is hospitalized, plus she was infected with MRSA during one of her hospitalizations.  I went to see her Monday night, she did not want to eat her pureed dinner, but she did drink her juice, tea and milk.  During the night I received a call from the nursing home, mom had taken a turn for the worse and needed to go to the emergency room.  My mother was admitted to the hospital in the ICU unit.  She needed a PICC line inserted in a vein in her chest so that the antibiotic, insulin and blood pressure medication could have a better chance of doing their job.  Tonight she is more alert...but still very confused due to being in the late stages of Dementia.  Her blood pressure is stable and her heart rate is good.  She is still in the ICU because they continue to monitor her pneumonia and sepsis; blood tests will determine if she will be moved to a regular hospital bed tomorrow.  I am optimistic...I believe she will make it through this and that I will continue to have my mother in my life.

I think that no matter what life hands you, you can handle it if you look for the positives versus the negatives.  There are so many things that happen that are beyond our control.  Looking for the postivies gives a foundation to heal.  I feel I have been in a continual state of healing over the past few years.  The loss of a beloved son and husband.  Watching my mother suffer from strokes and Dementia.  My joyful return to running was hindered by a hip injury and infections. 

But I have incredible memories of my son and husband; they were my two Toms!  I was blessed to able take care of my mother in her home for two years, and I am grateful that when it was time, she was able to go to a wonderful nursing home. 

I have come so far in my running over the past year.  I am 58 years old and I am proud of my progress!  I will run the half marathon..and a marathon...and I will do it in a careful, healthy way. 

Life is full of so much beauty!

I am looking forward to the good things life has to offer while appreciating all the wonderful people and experiences I have encountered in this incredible gift of life!