Finally Going Home

My house, with my son and brother-in-law standing in front, shortly before I left to go to my mother's home. 

I planned on writing a new post weeks ago, but I have been forced to make some very important decisions so I needed time.

Over the past 5 years, my life had somehow gotten out of my control.  Mom was sick, Tom and I came to Califon to care for her.  Tom got sick and passed away 1 1/2 years later.  Six months after Tom passed my mother had her second stroke and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  She went into a nursing home while I tried to Get her second property, a 1/2 acre lot, sold so that I could make alterations to her house (a ramp both outside and in the house from the family room to the main floor, and alterations to the bathroom) and bring her home.  I put in for an early retirement when it seemed we had a "doable" contract on the lot in 2010.  When the sale fell through I was devastated. Thank God I was able to cancel my early retirement application!

After the contract on the lot fell through I decided it was time to sell mom's home and return to Pennsylvania.  I knew that with the decline in the economy my mother's lot would not yield enough to pay off the Medicaid lien and pay for the alterations to her home that were needed in order to bring her home.   My sister was so angry about my decision she threatened to take legal action if I sold mom's home.  She wanted me to remain in the home because as long as I, the caretaker of our mother for over 2 years, remained in the home Medicaid would not be able to place a lien on the house; only the 1/2 acre lot.  So I remained in the house, with double bills coming in.  There were water, heat, electric, garbage, home owner's insurance and property taxes due for two properties and I paid them all as best I could.

Mom passed from advanced stages of Alzheimer's and Urosepsis on October 20 2011.  I continued to stay in the house in order to protect it from intruders and to get it cleaned out.  There were things, lots of things, in the house.  Bills, checks, correspondence and advertisements from 1959 until 2008 in hundreds of boxes.  The boxes lined the walls of mom's room, the middle bedroom and the attic.  It took months to go through them.  In them we would find some treasures like jewelry, dollar bills, Baptism records, beautiful pictures of family and poems written by my mother.  I am close to being through the last of the boxes; boxes that have resulted in new boxes full of treasures that I will chronicle in my scrapbook.

I have been at the mercy of what others want, or demand.  It is time to take control of my life back!

I think it is time to go home.  My home is in a horrid state.  Those who lived there without having to pay rent have left it in a deplorable state.  It will take me a while to make repairs.  At least they did replace the pipes that were damaged; I am grateful for that.  But they did not replace the big gaping hole in the dining room ceiling.

My journey with my mother is not so different form many of my peers.  At our age we suddenly find ourselves becoming "parents" to our parents.  It is a role that is noble, one embraced with love and gratitude.  After all, our parents gave us so much; they wanted us to have all the things they were denied as children.  They were members of the "greatest generation".  They grew up during the Great Depression and fought during WWII.  They knew the true meaning of sacrifice, and they knew that in order to survive one had to be tough and work hard.  It was an honor to take care of my mother. 

Now it is time for me to take responsibility for my own life, my own home.  Maybe I should have been stricter with those left in charge, but that is a mute point now.  I am responsible for the decisions I made when going to my mother's house, and the consequences.  I will miss the beautiful town of Califon and the big yard, but it feels right to be going back to my little half-double in Wilson. 

I have a lot of work to do on my house.  The bathroom and kitchen need remodeling, the walls need painting, the roof will have to be replaced and I will need new siding.  It will take a while to get all those tasks completed.  In addition I will have to find new trails on which I can run and ride my mountain bike.   Many new adventures await me as I move forward!

My house in Wilson:

https://maps.google.com/maps?q=2436+sycamore+street,+easton,+pa+18042&hl=en&ll=40.679058,-75.244889&spn=0.000508,0.001321&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.724817,86.572266&hnear=2436+Sycamore+St,+Easton,+Pennsylvania+18042&t=h&z=20&iwloc=A