Panic Attack

My sister Sue Ellen and I outside our home on Easter circa 1964.

May 10th is the tentative date for closing on my family home. Fifty three years ago my parents brought the house on School Street they turned into our home.  I loved growing up in this home..in the wonderful and beautiful town of Califon, New Jersey.  My friends and I were never bored.  We had our baseball games, football games, and bikes that would take us through some of the most beautiful countryside in the world.  We had fun fishing and ice skating on the Raritan River.  I would want every child to be able to grow up in a town like Califon!

My family home holds not only memories but many, many boxes of mementos from 1959 until 2008.  I have gone through hundreds of boxes over the past few years thinking I was on top of things.  Well, a closer look at the attic this weekend revealed many boxes and bags in the far corners not visible without a flashlight.  I am overwhelmed with the amount of stuff my parents left behind.

I have some hard working days ahead of me to have this house cleaned out by May 10th. 

But I am most concerned about my emotional reaction because I am panicking.  I think about mom, dad, Tom and especially Tommy.  It was so hard for me to watch Tommy's things being carted away this weekend.  Mom's things are disappearing and my father's things are going too.  Tom's few belongings are going back with me to Pa.  I love them and miss them all so much that I feel I cannot breathe...my heart skips beats and I sense my mortality.  I have such empathy (that I wish I had back when it was needed) for what mom and dad went through when they lost their parents. 

Soon I will drive away from the house I considered my family home for 53 years..will I cry, will I become incapacitated or will I only be focused on the tasks that I must tackle at my house in Wilson Boro Pa?  I hope I will take inventory and say this is a new adventure.  In the end we cannot take any "things" with us.

There are new paths for me to travel, and more memories to make! 

Thank you Stephen, Alison, Tony, Sue, John, Patty and Carole for your help..I am so grateful!