Selling a House...a Home!

I am totally exhausted!  I have been going through boxes and boxes of old papers, bills, sheet music (a ton of sheet music) and an occasional news article or birthday and holiday cards.  All in an effort to clear out my family home that is for sale.

Today I went through a box filled with my father's medical records.  I loved my dad; the sun rose and set on him.  He passed away almost 22 years ago from Polyarteritis nodosa, which was a terminal illness at that time.  Reading about the different medical procedures he endured made me appreciate the pain he suffered.  There were notes from the CNAs that cared for him at home while my mother worked.  It was clear that dad did not want anyone else but mom caring for him.  I chuckled thinking about how he would take care of many of his own needs independently when I took care of him, but he would try to get mom do those things when she was caring for him.  I think that was their way of saying "I love you"..he trusted her to do those things for him, and she completed those tasks as if to say "I will love you forever".

This house that is for sale is more than wood, metal, plastic, tile and shingle.  It housed a life-time of love, drama, happiness, achievement and sorrow.  Tom and I were married for the first time in the back yard on June 9 1973, and thirty-five years later to the day Tom would die in this house after being on Hospice for a month. 

Mom and dad celebrated the birth of five grandchildren in this house.  Fifty two Christmases were celebrated in this house,  and more!  I loved growing up in this three bedroom, one bath house.  If walls could talk what a story they would tell!

Today a young couple looked at this house...I hope they will think about a future living in this house.  This house needs to have a new family..a new story full of love, drama, happiness, achievement and sorrow.  A house full of a lifetime of memories....like the wonderful memories I will carry with me forever!

In Remembrance

I have to say that I have never understood evil.  I cannot understand how a person can kill another person without provocation.  I cannot understand how anyone can look at a child as a sexual object.  I have worked in the field of social work for over 30 years and I still cannot fathom such actions.  I understand the diagnoses, the pathology according to accepted constructs....they are our way of trying to make sense of completely senseless acts.   To me they represent pure evil.

Today the two precious little Powell boys were laid to rest:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/funeral-josh-powells-sons-held-washington/story?id=15561863
My heart aches for what these two little boys went through..first losing their mom and then having their father attack them with a hatchet before blowing up the house.  I cannot understand why more wasn't done to protect these two angels.  Law enforcement said their father as a suspect in their mother's death.  The judge and law enforcement also knew that their father had images of incest on his computer.  Why did the judge allow visitation in the father's home?  And why did the agency that supervised the visitation only send one worker to the home?  And why did the 911 dispatcher not send someone out immediately; the 911 tapes were devastating to listen to! 

Today at 11:00 am mountain time many people walked/ran for Sherry Arnold:
http://othervoices.runnersworld.com/2012/01/a-virtual-run-in-memory-of-sherry-arnold-2-11-12/?cm_mmc=Facebook-_-RunnersWorld-_-Conent-Blogs-_-OtherVoicesSherryRun
It is so hard to understand how a beautiful and wonderful mother, wife and teacher could go out one morning for a run and never return home.  Such a senseless loss! 

I ran today for Sherry and for the Powell boys.  I felt a connection to all those who took the time to remember..to pray that such heinous acts never happen to anyone else!  And that those loved ones who are left behind are comforted.

The march of time...or is time running?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAsxK7JOs74&noredirect=1
                                        Van Morrison's "Come Running"

I love to run ever since I joined a runners club in college back in the 1970's.  I was young then, with a life time ahead of me.  I only thought of what was to be; I had no regrets.

I have many regrets now and I pray every day that I could go back and make amends.  But in the real world this isn't always possible.  I guess the best we can do is to face those moments, ask for forgiveness and make changes in our lives.

Now that I am approaching the dreaded "old age" I am having panic attacks.  I had no problem facing age 40 or 50, but the next decade is feeling worse than my panic at age 30 (God, I look back now and realize I was so young at age 30!).

Back in December 1982 I went through a horrendous crisis...imagine a "Flower Child" turning 30?  I was part of the "don't trust anyone over 30" generation..30 was a very bad number!

Now it is 2012...another horrendous crisis is nearing.  Where did the time go?  How did I get so old?

Wait a minute..who said 60 is old?  Isn't 60 the new something...40...42..or something?  

I don't feel any different than I did 30 yeas ago...but I do think I am a little more mature..a bit better able to handle what life throws my way. 

I actually like being able to look at a situation and "poo-pooing" it away.  My priorities are straight; this was not the case 30 years ago.

Life has so many lessons; I am grateful that I finally learned to reap their benefit.  It took me a long time to realize that I didn't have all the answers.  Now I look forward to any challenges that lie ahead because I know there is so much more to learn..to experience.  Maybe I will have a more wrinkled appearance, but inside I am still Noel.  I am the composite of the baby, toddler, child, preteen, teenager, young adult, adult, mature adult and soon to be senior citizen. 

I have been blessed in so many ways.  I have had a wonderful family, terrific friends, a great career and good health.  I really am so very lucky!