The tree of life
Last night I didn't sleep well. I tossed and turned...worried about something...uneasy...unnerved. I dreamed about all the hurts I have caused, there were so many more than I would ever want to admit. I felt the sorrow of every single one; it was excruciating. The biggest hurts were those I caused to my children. I wanted to go back and do all over, begged to go back, but I could not. Because there are no second chances.
I also dreamed of my Tom. We were together..hiking in the woods..laughing and so very happy! Tommy was there too, playing outside, all three of us gleefully enjoying each others company. Stephen and Alison joined us later in the dream...little Alex was there too playing with his beloved "Pappy".
I woke up exhausted, as though I had lived a life time without sleep. I did ride my bike today for 6 miles and I attempted to run. It just wasn't happening; I was spent. Tomorrow I will run my scheduled 4 miles.
I will be taking my writing in a new direction. I never really felt I belonged in the "bloggers world", but I do feel I belong somewhere in the "writers world". I am looking forward to making a change and exploring all the possibilities!
In a way I felt that I did experience an Apocalypse...I had a dream that made me face my life...all the bad times..all the hurts...as well as the most precious moments. I woke realizing I need to make changes in order to live my life in a more fulfilling way. I do not see my "Apocalypse" as the end...but a new beginning!
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