My Path

I found this letter my mother sent to a newspaper, after she died.

I recently heard the quote that "your mother chose her path now it is time for you to choose your own path".  I think it was from the movie "The Help".

I wish I had heard that quote back when I was young.

I have always felt myself so tied to my mother.  She was beautiful, intelligent and loved by so many people.  But I did want something different than she imagined for me.

I wanted to make sculptures so beautiful and glassware that was so shiny and glittering that people would passionately love them.

My mother wanted a more "practical" life for me.  No studying art without a degree in art education.  She was afraid that I did not possess enough talent to make a living as an artist.  She wanted to "protect" me.

In my heart I knew my maternal grandmother (who I called Nana) believed that I did possess the talent and the desire to build a career making "beautiful things". 

My Nana died when I was 17, and I let my dreams die with her.

Why did I let all the things that made me dream go?  Nanna advocated with my mother for me to go to Art School (Nanna and I often spoke about it).  I guess I just felt powerless after Nanna died when I was a junior in high school and I gave up.

I love my mother with all my heart and I am sure she never wanted me to feel intimidated.  I was the one who let that happen.  The question now is whether I will let this define me for the rest of my life.

In December 2012 I will reach a mile-stone I do not want to achieve.  I do not want to be old, knowing I will never be young again, at least not young looking.

As far as the history of the world is concerned, I am a baby.  I think from now on I am going to reference my life as compared to the march of time.  In my heart I am still young with many possibilities. 

I believe I have made a difference in people's lives being a Social Worker and a Supervisor in the field of Developmental Disabilities.  I know I have been so inspired by the people I have worked with and for over the past 30+ years.  There is something so incredibly special and amazing about people diagnosed with a developmental disability and those who chose a career to serve them.  I belong to a very small and amazing group of individuals!  So far my career has been a pleasure,and an honor!

But I have to ask myself the question...is there more?  And the answer is "yes".  I want to create..to write the stories in my head...create the sculptures I envision.  Maybe I will be the only one that treasures them, but that doesn't matter.  What matters is that I followed my dreams and my heart without the negative messages of others...the negative messages (intended or unintended) of the past.

My mother initially was not crazy about my running back in the 1970's, but did with time become supportive.  I think she wished she had made healthier decisions for herself. 

The future is up to each of us...we choose our own path!

My mother baked a cake for my 4th birthday!