STRENGTH TO DREAM

I have not written as often as I have in the past. Lately life has been more complicated and as a result I have been very hard on myself. Work has been difficult; hence my decision to retire. I love my work, but sometimes working in my field is hard because it attracts people who have multiple issues and they play their issues out on the job. One of my Professors at Fordham warned me about this. But regardless of the actions of others around me, I have to be strong, be professional and always adhere to a high level of ethical standards.
When times are tough, I have always gained strength from the fact that I come from a long line of very strong women.
My mother was a Kindergarten, Music and Reading Teacher for over 30 years. She was also Choir Director and Organist for the Califon United Methodist Church for almost 50 years.
My Aunt Alma graduated from Douglas College in New Jersey in 1938 and had a successful career in public relations. Now in her early 90's she continues to be active in many groups(more active than most people my age!).
My beautiful Aunt Mamie was 80 years old when I was born. Her husband, Elston Beaty, was the first Mayor of Califon, New Jersey. She used to give me what I called my "lady lessons" where I was reminded to sit straight, use the proper silverware, use my napkin (instead of my shirt sleeve) and walk tall (practicing with a book on my head).
My second cousin, Elma Dineen, was Aunt Mamie's daughter. Cousin Elma was a Teacher and an Elementary School Principal in Plainfield, New Jersey during the first half of the 20th century.
My maternal grandmother was a graduate of Montclair College in NJ in the early 1900's and taught in a one room school in Middle Valley, New Jersey. All her grandchildren called her Nana. She was a warm, sweet and very funny lady. Active in the town of Califon, New Jersey, she served on the school board for many years. She also wrote a book called The Califon Story. I remember when she was writing the book because I spent many days at Nana's house after my mother returned to teaching elementary school. Nana would recite many of the stories in her book. My favorite was the story about the town drunk back in the early 1900's who arrived late to see the Circus. The Circus would pitch their tent right where my childhood home now stands in Califon. On that day the Circus bleachers were packed full so the drunk had a difficult time finding a seat. As he searched for a seat he made some rude comments out loud, much to the annoyance of the people in the crowd. As the drunk continued to meander loudly through the bleachers, the bleachers began to sway side to side. The crowd fell silent, seconds later the bleachers collapsed to the ground with a loud crash! There were no screams, no cries of pain, only a stunned silence, until the silence was broken by the drunk's voice exclaiming, "Now I can't see nothin!".
My dad was my sunrise and sunset, but my Nana was my heart and soul. I was so close to her; closer to her than anyone. She advocated for me to be able to reach my dream to be an artist. I dreamed of going to an art school in Brooklyn, NY and eventually traveling to Paris. I was young, but Nana understood a young girl's dreams. My parents, however, were opposed because they wanted me to go to a 4 year college, not an "art school", and have a "profitable" career. Nana died when I was 16 and I thought my dreams died along with her. I now realize that the dreams I had just got lost for a time. Those dreams are back, maybe I am not dreaming of being artist in Paris, but I have dreams, and I am going to reach for them!
Nana loved playing soft ball. My Aunt Alma told me once that she had to much of the house work as a child because her mother (my Nana) was too busy playing softball. I guess I view running the same way as my Nana viewed softball; I love it! If given a choice between housework and going out to run/walk, I would take the run/walk any day!
Maybe this past week hasn't been the best, but if I put it into perspective I can see I have a great deal of strength because of the love I received during my childhood. And I have such hope for the future because I see before me a new generation of strong, committed women as reflected in my beautiful daughter Alison and in my beautiful niece Erin.
I can run again; running is really only a part of me, but a part that has always been important because it gives me a tremendous feeling of accomplishment. I also am meeting some really inspiring ladies through First Strides. I am so impressed with their incredible determination! Life is really good! I just have to keep reminding myself of this when I hit these "down times'; dreams only come true for those who persevere.

AGE IS A 3 LETTER WORD

I have completed my First Strides work-outs for the week and feel like I am really accomplishing a lot! I run uphill at least half of the time and this is giving me more strength.

The "problems" return when I return to my daily routine as a Case Management Supervisor within a huge bureaucracy. I have been a "social worker" for almost 30 years, a "mommy" for over 35 years. Long ago I also thought of myself as a "runner", a good runner too. But life presented itself with challenges that prevented me from consistently pursuing my running. Now, time has changed and I am slowly getting back to where I want..no.. need to be. I made a decision and put in for early retirement; I just need to find a new path, new "career" so to speak within the next year, to take the place of working for a bureaucracy.

Today I found a picture that my father took of me standing next to a 4 year old Tommy following one of my runs. I look so young, so thin, so very happy. I want that back with the "young" replaced with "young at heart". I look in the mirror and see a woman well over the age of 25, but in my heart I feel younger than 25. As a result, I do feel I have a bright future!

I have met so many people in my career that have been given such obstacles; obstacles that I have never had to face. Yes, I have faced the loss of my precious Tommy and Tom, but I have my health. I am able to see, to walk, to talk and I have the use of my arms. I am so blessed and I am not going to waste what God has given me!

Three Minutes

Yesterday at First Strides my group's Mentor thought that she had miscalculated our last 3 minute run by 1 minute. I knew we did run the full 3 minutes and so did a number of other ladies in my group. It made me think of how often I think I am "short" of my goal; so short that I may give up. I, and many other women, spoke up and insisted we had indeed run the entire 3 minutes. It was an empowering moment, we had reached our goal and we were not going to be cheated out of it.

I am determined not to give up, not only on my running program but on all areas of my life. I am determined to take control of my life. I will not make excuses by blaming others for the things I am responsible for...I will take responsibility for the decisions I make for myself.

Life is technically longer than 3 minutes, but in the scheme of things I sometimes think it is more rapid than 3 minutes. I do not want to waste one minute of the life I have been given!

FAT CONTROL

Well, I entered week three of First Strides on Wednesday morning. We had our stretch, 5 minute warm up with 3 minutes easy and 2 minute run times 4 and a 5 minute cool down and stretches. I felt G-R-E-A-T!!! I had no pain in my joints, I never got out of breath. It was a beautiful day! I don't think there is one cranky lady in the whole group. Everyone is so easy to talk to, so happy to be there. The Mentors are inspirational and their "stories" really motivate you before you start the workout.

Today I had my picture taken in my running cropped pants and a short, fitting coral shirt. I felt so self-conscious, it was so embarrassing. I can't discuss why the picture was taken, but I can express my feelings about the shape of my body. I do feel that my running so far has helped to re-shape my female form. But I do have a long way to go. Having male photographers made me feel so ugly, so old. I know I try to be upbeat, but as soon as I got in my car after the shoot I cried. I will never be 20 again, but I want my female body back; I want a healthy body back. A female assistant asked if the pictures were being taken of women who were going to exercise and diet because wanted their butts smaller. I replied that I hoped not, because I needed a lot more than just a smaller butt.

After the shoot I did my second workout at the beautiful Parkway in Allentown. I was self-conscious at first, but eventually I felt so good about my running that I no longer worried about other people's opinions of me.

It started raining outside tonight as I am writing this blog, the rain and my tears seem connected this day. If I can't have my Tommy back, or my Tom back, then I want my body back. At least my body is something I can control. With so much in life we can't control, why not take back the control of what we can!

CHANGE OF PLANS

Last night I attended my First Strides Group. I am in awe of the incredible women in the group. All have a different story to tell, but all have one thing in common, the desire to be healthy and the desire to RUN! There isn't one lady there that isn't smiling and enjoying every minute.

I realized last night that I can't "burn a candle at both ends" so I am suspending my 10 week running program on my treadmill and now only following the First Strides schedule. It is too much stress on my body to do both, and I really need to concentrate on running outside on the trail or road. This week we do 3 workouts of a 5 minute warm-up, 4 minutes easy with 2 minutes running times 3, and finish with at least 5 minutes of a cool-down. We stretch before the work-out and after the work-out.

I feel really good about my progress on the treadmill(I did make it to week 9); I am confident I can easily run 30 minutes straight on a 0% incline, 4.5 speed treadmill. Mark Wills-Weber's 10 Week Training Plan works!

However, running outside is much harder and since I am now part of the First Strides Program I need to follow their schedule. The small hills last night felt like mountains to me. I need to increase my running with care...slow and safe!

Today was an "easy" day, so I just took a nice walk on the Par Course at Vorhees State Park. I did the push-up station and sit-up station too, plus the stretching stations. It was so relaxing after a day of "problems" and sitting at my desk!

I am so happy that Spring is here and Summer is not far away! I have been watching to see if "my" little Humming Birds return. Their feeder is ready and I am watching!

14 + 14 = 28

Today I started week 9 of Mark Wills-Weber's 10 - Week Training Plan. I was to run 14 minutes, walk 1 minute times 2 (with a warm-up and cool-down). Well, at 6:30 this morning I had a lot of energy; when I hit the 14 minute run, I just kept going. I ran for 28 minutes straight and felt GREAT! I know that I was supposed to stop after 14 minutes and walk for a minute, but I thought, "What is a minute? A minute is hardly any time at all", so I kept running. Now, when Wednesday comes I may say that a minute is a "nice rest period", but today 28 minutes, with 0% incline and at a 14 MPH pace, I felt on top of the world.

Tonight was a different matter. I was completing my final round of 4 minute walk/1 minute run outside (plus at least a 5 minute warm-up and 5 minute cool-down) for First Strides at Vorhees State Park and I felt challenged. The first two one minute runs were down hill, nice and easy, but the last minute run was up hill and it was harder than my 28 minute run on the treadmill this morning! It was an "Ouch" moment! The 15 minute walk/run sequence was in the middle of a total 40 minute walk and it was a real eye opener, not only because I found it physically challenging but because I saw something in myself. I knew that I was resistant to running outside, but I told myself it was because I didn't want to get injured, I was wrong. I realized tonight that the reason I am hesitant to run outside is because I am too self-conscious; I feel like a fat old lady. I hadn't recognized my feelings before. I can run on a treadmill because there is no one to see me (except for Beauregard my cat, and he loves me as long as I feed him) but outside I am prey to ridicule and humiliation. Outside I am vulnerable and it frightens me. I had a hard time on the hill mostly because I saw other people watching me and I became embarrassed.

I don't want this negative thinking to defeat me; I am capable. Just running the 28 minutes, with great energy, on the treadmill proves it.

I am so grateful I have my First Strides group tomorrow night. I need the support!

Super Heroes

I finished my week #8 of Mark Will-Weber's 10 week Training Plan. I ran 13 minutes/walk 2 minutes times 2 this morning on the treadmill(plus warm-up and cool-down). I did my run/walk on the treadmill yesterday morning too. I felt energized after each workout even though I began each workout feeling exhausted. I tried to get my second day of my out door walk 4 minutes/run 1 minute times 3 (plus warm-up and cool-down) for my First Strides Program yesterday, but I did not have time. I am going to go to the park tonight and use the Par Course.

My grandson Alex slept here last night so soon after I started running this morning I was paged by Alex. "Grammie come here...Grammie come here right now..there are big bees!" he yelled. It seemed big black ants had arrived and were slowly making their way towards Alex's breakfast. There were only 2 of them that I could find, but in Alex's mind they were two 6 foot monster "bees". So "Super Grammie" arrived just in time to rid the room of the monstrous "bees"!

Yesterday I had my own experience with a Super Hero. For the past couple months the pipes here in my mother's house have been getting slower and slower. The tub was backed up and I could not get it open so I finally decided it was time to call Roto-Rooter. When I got up yesterday I grabbed the phone book, and even though I was half-asleep, I managed to look up the phone number and call for help. A couple hours later my help arrived. The plumber was a pleasant man, but he was extremely talkative. His conversations sounded like they were mainly between himself and the pipes. The pipes were dirty, the pipes were bad, the pipes were "icky..icky!" and the pipes were so awful he didn't even want to "touch" them. I was kind of feeling a little sorry for the poor pipes. It was only when the plumber called "Mam" that I knew he was talking to me and not the pipes. He called "Mam" for paper towels after about 2 hours of work. In response I ran down cellar with a whole roll of paper towels, when he saw me he threw his arms up in the air and said "Look at this!" pointing to 2 little black spots on his grey tee shirt. I thought to myself, "Well, what do you expect...you are a plumber!". He asked me to inspect the pipes, referring to the the icky black goop inside the pipes as "stinky grease". He worked for about 3 hours cutting through pipes replacing pipes and roto-rooting through the drains. And when the roto-rooting was done he had me inspect the menagerie of goopy items that caused all the problems. "Look at this...look at this..stinky, black paper and plastic.. this cannot happen again.. just look at this, this is awful, this happens again no one can get through!", he exclaimed. I actually found him very entertaining.

When the plumber was finishing up, I walked out to get the mail. As I walked down the drive way I was shocked to find I had not called Roto-Rooter, but called "Rooter-Man" instead..yes, I said "Rooter-Man". His van had a picture of a plumber with a cape and mask flying through the air holding wrenches in his hand, the words "Rooter-Man To The Rescue....Clogged drains and sewer pipes cleaned.....As Seen on TV" were written on the side of the van. I couldn't believe it..Rooter-Man was in my mother's home. Some how he didn't look or act like a Super Hero, but he did save me from the "awful" pipes and for that I was grateful ($961.93 later)!