STRENGTH TO DREAM

I have not written as often as I have in the past. Lately life has been more complicated and as a result I have been very hard on myself. Work has been difficult; hence my decision to retire. I love my work, but sometimes working in my field is hard because it attracts people who have multiple issues and they play their issues out on the job. One of my Professors at Fordham warned me about this. But regardless of the actions of others around me, I have to be strong, be professional and always adhere to a high level of ethical standards.
When times are tough, I have always gained strength from the fact that I come from a long line of very strong women.
My mother was a Kindergarten, Music and Reading Teacher for over 30 years. She was also Choir Director and Organist for the Califon United Methodist Church for almost 50 years.
My Aunt Alma graduated from Douglas College in New Jersey in 1938 and had a successful career in public relations. Now in her early 90's she continues to be active in many groups(more active than most people my age!).
My beautiful Aunt Mamie was 80 years old when I was born. Her husband, Elston Beaty, was the first Mayor of Califon, New Jersey. She used to give me what I called my "lady lessons" where I was reminded to sit straight, use the proper silverware, use my napkin (instead of my shirt sleeve) and walk tall (practicing with a book on my head).
My second cousin, Elma Dineen, was Aunt Mamie's daughter. Cousin Elma was a Teacher and an Elementary School Principal in Plainfield, New Jersey during the first half of the 20th century.
My maternal grandmother was a graduate of Montclair College in NJ in the early 1900's and taught in a one room school in Middle Valley, New Jersey. All her grandchildren called her Nana. She was a warm, sweet and very funny lady. Active in the town of Califon, New Jersey, she served on the school board for many years. She also wrote a book called The Califon Story. I remember when she was writing the book because I spent many days at Nana's house after my mother returned to teaching elementary school. Nana would recite many of the stories in her book. My favorite was the story about the town drunk back in the early 1900's who arrived late to see the Circus. The Circus would pitch their tent right where my childhood home now stands in Califon. On that day the Circus bleachers were packed full so the drunk had a difficult time finding a seat. As he searched for a seat he made some rude comments out loud, much to the annoyance of the people in the crowd. As the drunk continued to meander loudly through the bleachers, the bleachers began to sway side to side. The crowd fell silent, seconds later the bleachers collapsed to the ground with a loud crash! There were no screams, no cries of pain, only a stunned silence, until the silence was broken by the drunk's voice exclaiming, "Now I can't see nothin!".
My dad was my sunrise and sunset, but my Nana was my heart and soul. I was so close to her; closer to her than anyone. She advocated for me to be able to reach my dream to be an artist. I dreamed of going to an art school in Brooklyn, NY and eventually traveling to Paris. I was young, but Nana understood a young girl's dreams. My parents, however, were opposed because they wanted me to go to a 4 year college, not an "art school", and have a "profitable" career. Nana died when I was 16 and I thought my dreams died along with her. I now realize that the dreams I had just got lost for a time. Those dreams are back, maybe I am not dreaming of being artist in Paris, but I have dreams, and I am going to reach for them!
Nana loved playing soft ball. My Aunt Alma told me once that she had to much of the house work as a child because her mother (my Nana) was too busy playing softball. I guess I view running the same way as my Nana viewed softball; I love it! If given a choice between housework and going out to run/walk, I would take the run/walk any day!
Maybe this past week hasn't been the best, but if I put it into perspective I can see I have a great deal of strength because of the love I received during my childhood. And I have such hope for the future because I see before me a new generation of strong, committed women as reflected in my beautiful daughter Alison and in my beautiful niece Erin.
I can run again; running is really only a part of me, but a part that has always been important because it gives me a tremendous feeling of accomplishment. I also am meeting some really inspiring ladies through First Strides. I am so impressed with their incredible determination! Life is really good! I just have to keep reminding myself of this when I hit these "down times'; dreams only come true for those who persevere.