Siblings

William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905) - Two Sisters (1901)

Sibling relationships can be so primal; so incredibly emotional, so raw.  These relationships affect us in many ways, but they do not define us as adults.  Unfortunately there are situations where dysfunctional childhoods affect the way family members view someone long after they reach adulthood.

I was made aware today of how someone remembered my sister and I as being constantly in combat.  This hurts me; I never wanted to argue with my sister.  I wanted a true sister that loved me and would be there for me, but I had a sister that was mentally ill.  It has been very obvious in adulthood, but I knew it when we were children.  I was always expected to take on the role of older sister even though I was 2 years younger.  It was a lot of responsibility for such a young child.  When I was a teenager I grew tired of having my hair pulled out of my head, being beaten with fists and things broken when my sister went into her violent rages; I just wanted to drop out of school and move away.  My parents got us into family therapy and the therapists told me there was nothing wrong with me other than the normal adjustments of adolescence; that my sibling was suffering from mental illness. 

My mother told me on the day we buried my father that therapists told her and my dad that my sibling needed psychiatric help and that there was nothing wrong with me other than the normal adjustments of adolescence.

Indeed my sibling has been committed to psychiatric hospitals many times in  her adult life.  I pray that she begins to see her destructive patterns and take responsibility for her actions.  She can overcome her illness if she tries...it is in her hands.   

I have always wished that I would have a sister who would always be there for me, both of us caring and supporting each other; but it is not reality and I have grown to accept this. 

I love life and I love my family.  I had an incredible father who overcame his own mental illness.  I have the  most wonderful mother, children and grandson.  I was blessed to have had Tom, my cherished husband, and Tommy, my exceptional son; I love you both and miss you so much.

I want to live my life fully, reaching for all my goals.  I want to be the best runner, friend, writer, mother, grammie and family member I can be.  I have never wanted anything more!