Milestone

This year I turn 50+ .  I don't know why I have such a hard time revealing my age, but it will be publicly acknowledged in print when Sarah Lorge Butler's book Running your Butt Off is published in March 2011(I am confident I will only be a footnote, so not too many people will notice how old I am).  I was one of her "test panel" that followed a running schedule and diet modifications for 12 weeks.  I lost about 10 pounds during the time of the study, but I gained an enormous amount of knowledge about my eating habits and the benefits of running.  I have continued to lose weight...another 12 pounds.  I love running and I love the way it is transforming my old "Grammie" body.  I have a waist, hips and very muscular, defined legs.  My boobs are another story...being fat inflated them and losing weight deflates them.  I always wanted bigger boobs, but if being fat is the only way to achieve that then I would rather have small, barely noticeable boobs.

Hope you all look for Sarah' book.  She is a contributing editor to Runner's World Magazine; an incredibly talented writer.  

I have said for many years that I am done with celebrating my birthday.  This year I am very melancholy about the past.  I miss my dad, my son Tommy, my husband Tom and my mom.  My mom is still alive, but suffering from Dementia.  She resides in a wonderful nursing home, Country Arch in Pittstown, New Jersey.  We call her the "Great Bluffer" since she is so good at making you think she knows you, but when you ask her she just says "I think I should know you".  I miss my mother so much, but I also cherish the moments I have with her. 

My parents brought a house on a 1 acre lot and also another 1/2 acre next to the house+1 acre back in1959.  They always thought the extra lot was their security.  My dad passed away in 1990; my mother had her second stroke in November of 2008 and has been in the nursing home since January 2009.  I also thought the lot was security; I put the lot for sale and we had 2 contracts on the lot.  The first contract fell through early on, although I wasn't notified until 3 months later.  The last contract seemed air tight so I began planning on making modifications to the bathroom and taking an early retirement in April 2011.  I was going to bring my mother back home!  But the sale was called off because the Planning Board in Califon opposed issuing a building permit for the lot pending approval from the Highlands Council, which could cost thousands of dollars.  That lot was always intended to be sold for someone to build on it, for 51 years!  I was devastated.  My dream of bringing my mother home was dead.  I still feel numb when I think of it.  I had everything planned out from the alterations to the CNA's who would be assisting me in caring for my mom.  I had to put my early retirement on hold.  I could not see borrowing more money to pay off the bills and make the  modifications, more bills in this economy doesn't make sense.  What if my mother became so incapacitated that we would have to look at nursing home care again; we would be in the same predicament of high bills and not enough income to cover them (since all her income is expected to go to the nursing home).  It is an impossible situation for families (and for nursing homes).

I do not know what the future holds for my mother's properties.  I may have to merge the two deeds to sell(I have to sell both).  I live there so I will have to find a place to go.  In the mean time I will enjoy every second I have in this special town!  I do love Califon, even if it has changed dramatically from the time I was a child.  I am not alone in thinking Califon was a great place to grow up, check out the Facebook page Califon Memories.

This year I inch more through the 50's and it won't be long before I turn 60.  December 25, yes I am a Christmas baby...Noel Carol...Christmas Carol...and this will be the third year I will go without a birthday cake.  I always thought I would be glad to be rid of the dreaded birthday cake, but secretly I wish someone would bake one for me. 

My 4th birthday; my great Aunt Mamie is on the left, my mom is on the right and my cousin Roberta is behind me.  I am much more than 4 this Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All!  May all your dreams and wishes come true!

Christmas 2004 Tommy made me a birthday cake from scratch!  What a precious son!