Yesterday my best friend since childhood, Carole and I met at the Columbia Trail for a short walk and dinner at Circa in High Bridge. The food was incredible and so was the half of desert...a scrumptious chocolate cake smothered in a thick chocolate icing......yummy....and very fattening!
Carole suffered an Achilles Tendon injury and had to temporarily stop her half-marathon training. She is going to be running again soon!
Carole and I (right to left) in our 6th grade class picture, Califon Elementary School.
I had a terrible sleep last night. I woke up feeling exhausted and nauseous. I thought it was the rich chocolate cake...after all I haven't had such a delectable desert since I had one of Tommy's home-made chocolate cakes! I went to work this morning, but left early because I felt so queasy! I went home and tried to rest...but I couldn't forget the dream I had last night.
Maybe it was related to parts of the world where they are risking anything for their freedom...freedom from oppression. Maybe it was a residual affect from the holidays and Tommy's birthday...difficult times for me. But my dream was so realistic...I was running from an unknown villain. I had little Tommy in my arms, frantically trying to escape to safety. Tommy hugged me with his little arms and hands; his eyes closed as though he was sound asleep and unaware of the terror that pursued us. I ran as fast as I could down the dark streets of Califon, the roads were wet and dark. I woke up in the middle of the dream never knowing if I was successful in out-running my "enemy"; the one who would take my precious son from me.
I got out of bed and slowly made my way into the kitchen...I felt heavy..I felt so sad. I managed to get myself dressed and to my office, but the heaviness did not leave me. I felt queasy and unsettled...and hence headed home.
I realized that I can't out-run losing Tommy, he is gone from this life. I know in my heart I will see him again, but I miss him so much.
I have choices, I can curl up and drop out of life or I can continue to propel myself ahead, setting goals and working to achieve them. I am determined to live this life to the fullest. I know now that I will have moments where I am discouraged, but they are brief and only serve to remind me of how important it is to focus on my goals.
My goals include running the St. Luke's Half Marathon in May, the Warrior Dash in June and the NYC Marathon for Fred's Team in November. Maybe the dream was telling me that I can overcome the pain, the devastation of losing Tommy by letting go of my fears. Like my fear that I may not be able to finish a half or full marathon. I imagine many people have that fear when they are about to enter a long distance race for the first time. But that race will only be a daydream unless I "try", and I don't want to live with it just being a daydream.
Carole suffered an Achilles Tendon injury and had to temporarily stop her half-marathon training. She is going to be running again soon!
I had a terrible sleep last night. I woke up feeling exhausted and nauseous. I thought it was the rich chocolate cake...after all I haven't had such a delectable desert since I had one of Tommy's home-made chocolate cakes! I went to work this morning, but left early because I felt so queasy! I went home and tried to rest...but I couldn't forget the dream I had last night.
Maybe it was related to parts of the world where they are risking anything for their freedom...freedom from oppression. Maybe it was a residual affect from the holidays and Tommy's birthday...difficult times for me. But my dream was so realistic...I was running from an unknown villain. I had little Tommy in my arms, frantically trying to escape to safety. Tommy hugged me with his little arms and hands; his eyes closed as though he was sound asleep and unaware of the terror that pursued us. I ran as fast as I could down the dark streets of Califon, the roads were wet and dark. I woke up in the middle of the dream never knowing if I was successful in out-running my "enemy"; the one who would take my precious son from me.
I got out of bed and slowly made my way into the kitchen...I felt heavy..I felt so sad. I managed to get myself dressed and to my office, but the heaviness did not leave me. I felt queasy and unsettled...and hence headed home.
I realized that I can't out-run losing Tommy, he is gone from this life. I know in my heart I will see him again, but I miss him so much.
I have choices, I can curl up and drop out of life or I can continue to propel myself ahead, setting goals and working to achieve them. I am determined to live this life to the fullest. I know now that I will have moments where I am discouraged, but they are brief and only serve to remind me of how important it is to focus on my goals.
My goals include running the St. Luke's Half Marathon in May, the Warrior Dash in June and the NYC Marathon for Fred's Team in November. Maybe the dream was telling me that I can overcome the pain, the devastation of losing Tommy by letting go of my fears. Like my fear that I may not be able to finish a half or full marathon. I imagine many people have that fear when they are about to enter a long distance race for the first time. But that race will only be a daydream unless I "try", and I don't want to live with it just being a daydream.
3 comments:
What an unsettling dream. I'm glad you are interpreting it in a constructive way. You have many exciting goals and adventures to look forward to. : )
Love that picture of us Noel..We were styling in our jumpers and peter-pan collars !! It would have been nice if the photographer could have mentioned that my headband was slidding down my forehead...
Thanks Marcia! I do think that every experience in life can be looked at in a constructive way!
Carole, I think you look cute with your headband slidding down..a nice fashion statement!
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