Body Image

I did my 9 minute run, 2 minutes walk X 2, plus one 8 minute run this morning(plus warm-up and cool-down). I was tired since I didn't feel well during the night. I also struggled this morning with my body image. I expected by now that my jeans would fit better, but they didn't. I felt so frustrated, fat and dumpy....but when I looked in the mirror I didn't look horrible. I think that my body is changing; I feel more solid and I look like I am getting a waist.

Body image can be so complicated. Because of my life-long struggles with weight, no matter how much I weighed I always felt that I looked heavy. My mother, on the other hand, is just the opposite. My mother is only about 5' tall. She was so tiny when she got married that her wedding dress had an 18" waist...a really tiny dress. As she had children she gained weight but never lost it all. She once told me that she never sees herself as heavy; she still sees herself as the young woman with the 18 inch waist. Right now she weighs 165, down from over 200lbs at one time.

I gained weight and didn't lose it from about the second grade until I was graduating high school. At one time I probably weighed 190lbs, then while in graduate school went all the way down to 95lbs. At 5'4" I feel best around 125lbs. I am currently weigh more than 125lbs. But if I talk to some of my friends they will say that since I am an older woman I could never weigh that again and should settle for 145/150lbs. I don't understand why we think with age we should just "settle" for anything. I don't want to be that little old lady with the soft, puffy belly who only looks back on life..."the good old days". I want to cherish the past, but look to the future as I make the most of today. Somehow I have to constantly reinforce the idea of "healthy" body image, not "heavy" or "thin". Maybe my "healthy" body is around 125lbs, or maybe not; this remains to be seen.

One more day for week 6 of my running plan. On Monday I start week 7: run 9 minutes, walk 1 minute X 3 = 30 minutes. I am making it through the weeks and I feel good. I don't feel I look so bad in the mirror even if my jeans are still a little snug, and this is a whole lot better than I felt 5 weeks ago.