2012

I can't believe it has been 5 years since Tom and I came to Califon to take care of my mother.  Now they are both gone and I am alone..... but not lonely!

This new year, 2012, is mostly a mystery...but I wonder....will it be a prosperous year?  Will 2012 be a year full of happiness?  Will 2012 be the year I finally reach my goal of running a half-marathon?  Will 2012 be a year without loss?

I will probably have to go back to my old house in Wilson Boro, Pennsylvania for a while..but I do hope I wind up back at a home in the woods somewhere.... because I love the country!

I know that I am going to be a grandmother for the second time in early June. 

I am already running with renewed strength and energy.

I hiked for 3 1/2 miles today in the woods..it was so peaceful.  I love life uncomplicated, a life without drama. 

I crave a life surrounded by nature, adventure, good friends, good food and good health...yes, the very best!

I wish you all the very best in 2012 too!

Jane Fonda

I have previously written a post where I blast Jane Fonda for her plastic surgery and her past "Hanoi Jane" days. 

Well, I  saw a report on the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda about her new exercise videos.  Jane is honest about what she can and cannot do at her age.  She does not try to be a 20 or 30 year old; she accepts her limitations while emphasizing her abilities.  She is so committed to inspiring people to exercise, to take care of their bodies!
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/45799563#45799563

I guess I am softening towards Jane...I kind of want to have her attitude when I am in my 70's.  I do not have the financial resources..or the desire..to have plastic surgery.  I do, however, have the desire to live my life to the fullest..the healthiest and most active I can be! 

I love life...life is constantly changing and evolving..our opinions evolve and change as well! 

I think Jane does too.  Here is the link to her official website:
http://janefonda.com/

Happy Solstice..and Happy "Days Will Get Longer"!

Happy Solstice!  Winter is here, but the days are getting longer...yeah!  Spring is only 3 months away!

I wish you a Happy Holiday...blessed New Year...and 365 days of Happy Running!

My gift to you is this beautiful song from Loreena McKennitt.....a bit long, but worth it (thank you Carole for sharing):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uATCp75ZnU&feature=share

Family?

I was once Alex's only "Grammie".

Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a wife and mother. I wanted to be like Ozzie and Harriet; perfect parents with perfect children.  I never really thought about a career when I was a child, just love and babies.

Well, my life has been anything but an episode from Ozzie and Harriet. 

I was a single parent for most of my adult life.  I may have not been the most perfect mother, but I loved my children and wanted the best for them.  They have been a joy and a blessing.  All three were extremely intelligent and incredibly talented...all three beloved family members.  My oldest son Tommy's death devastated the family.

I recently found out that I am no longer the one and only Grammie...I have been replaced with a bedbug, another Grammie.  My daughter is engaged to a wonderful young man and his mother has showered love on Alex (he calls her his bed-bug).  Alex told me he has two gammies now.

I want my Grandson to be happy and I will always be grateful he has people who love him in his life.  But I feel sad that I am no longer his one and only Grammie.  I wish he would call her "Grandma" or "Nanna", but apparently this is not the case.

As sad as I feel, I rejoice that he has so many caring people in his life. 

This is all the more reason to move onward in my life and start training for my first half-marathon right after the holidays.  I want to run in my son, husband and mother's memories.  I was so blessed to have them in my life.  I know they would want me to take the higher road...the road that has the "half full" glass because life is full of opportunities!  We just have to grab those wonderful opportunities when they occur!

Turn lemons into lemonade!

Maybe I need to rethink the title of this blog...hmmmm..maybe Noelgetsalife?

Christmas Time

I hoped to run at least 10-16 miles this week...I have only run 2 miles so far.  

There are so many distractions...emergencies at work...emergencies at home...and a just plain 8 hour work day with a 4:30 pm sunset!

Soon..December 21st..the days will become longer...but not necessarily warmer. 

I will take longer sunlight over warmer temps!

I love to run in the early morning...by this time in January I will be able to run in the am without a problem as long as I am bundled up!  I love running even if there is snow (but I do not like ice or frozen snow running).  I dislike treadmill running, but I will run on the treadmill as the last resort.

I am trying to get back on track in my life.  I miss Tommy, Tom and mom, but I have no choice, I have to continue this life without them.  I intend to live this life to the fullest..without constraints!

I wish you all a Merry Christmas..and a year of Happy Running!

Snowstorm in October 2011...looks a lot like Christmas!



Rebirth!

I have been so devastated over the past 6 years.  I lost my oldest (and wonderful) son Tommy, I lost my husband (the love of my life) and my mother (how blessed I was to have such a special mom).

Today I realized that I am now going through a rebirth...a life without my mother and father...a life without my husband...a life without my precious first born child.

I feel that my mother's passing initiated this new phase of my life.

A month after mom died her Will was probated and I was officially established as her Executor.  I cried after leaving the Surrogate's office...it hurt so much to realize she was really gone from this life.

Mom's attorney will handle the negotiations with Medically Needy Program.  Other bills will need to be paid too...it is too early to know if there will be an inheritance.

I am developing...

I have to figure out where I will go...I wish I could stay at my family home, but due to complicated family matters I don't think it will be possible.  Other options are there..I just have to figure it out.

I am growing...







I will run my first half marathon 7 months after mom passes.  I will run in her honor...Tommy's honor and my Tom's honor.

I will continue to grow..to heal...to slowly blossom.

A beautiful rose blossoms.

I am ready for my new adventure!

A little baby is ready to be born!



Like a baby ready to be born, I am going to embrace this new phase of my life.  I am being reborn...there may be some things I cannot control, but there are more that I have complete control over!

Do you ever feel you have the power to make positive changes after painful experiences?  I would love to hear your story!

Beautiful Heroes!

I have been musing about what "beauty" is...is it someone under age 30..is it eye color and skin smoothness?  Is beauty a lack of wrinkled eyes, wrinkled neck or greying hair?  Is beauty a matter of energy.."youthful" energy..running 8 minute miles and hiking extreme peaks in record times?

No, to me beauty is what shines from within. 

J.R. Martinez is so handsome..so beautiful..he radiates joy for life...gratitude for life...and this is coming from a man who came so close to losing his life in defense of his country.  J.R. is my hero!

J.R. Martinez is one handsome man!

And there is Carla Nash, the woman who was mutilated by her friend's Chimpanzee.  She received a new face....with more courage than I can ever imagine.  She is so grateful to be able to eat solid food and smell again.  She is blind and still does not have feeling throughout her face, but she doesn't care..she is so grateful to be alive.  She also said that people tell her she is beautiful now, she said no one ever called her beautiful before the attack.  She is amazing...I am in awe of her.  You are truly an incredibly beautiful woman Carla! You are one of my heroes!

Carla's lovely new face reflects her inner beauty!

 

To me J.R. and Carla are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!  They are so inspiring!

The people the media portray as the "beautiful" ones cannot hold a candle to J.R. and Carla.  The Kardashians, the Hilton's, the filthy spoiled rich are not beautiful...they are more like the freak shows in the circus..botox enhanced.....retouched with plastic surgery....even an x-ray to "prove" a big butt is "real", not "enhanced".  People want to gawk at them and see how different their frivolous lives are from the real world.  They may be people of "interest", but they are not heroes.

We need more heroes and far less "freakishness"!  Beauty is not skin deep...it truly comes from within!

Onward!

I have slowly been getting back to my running schedule.  I do not like the shorter days with daylight savings time because I have to do my runs in the early morning.  I hope to increase my mileage this week to 16 miles; I know I can do it.

I feel sad that I might have to leave Califon, New Jersey.  It is a beautiful town and it has so much history with my family.  But my sister will want her share of the estate and I cannot afford to buy her half of the house plus pay my mother's final bills.  I guess I will figure it out in time; where ever I wind up it will be the start of a new "history"  for me.  Life is meant to continue.. never stagnant, always in motion.

Five years ago when my husband Tom and I came here to take care of mom (for what we thought would be a few months) I thought I would be back in Pennsylvania soon.  Now it is not clear where I will wind up; I guess it is quite the adventure!

I have my health...I have my work...I have my passion for writing, running, biking and walking.  I have so much to look forward to.  I am excited to move onward; to see what life has in store for me next!

One thing I know...I registered for the St Luke's Half-Marathon in April 2012 and this time I am going to finish!

St Luke's Half- Marathon

Where Do I Go From Here?

I have to admit I am feeling a Little lost.  All the things I thought were important I now question.  I have the rest of my life to live and I am not sure how or where I want to live it.  I used to talk to my mother about "things" or my husband about "things"..but they are now gone.

I guess it just takes time to figure it out.  Not too much time...just a bit of time.

I am missing mom so much...believe me when I say I am raw and in pain.  My precious Aunt Alma, mom's 95 year old sister, was here the last few days going through some of my mother's "boxes of memories" keeping what needs to be kept and throwing out what can be let go.  I love Aunt Alma so much; she has been a second mother to me my entire life.  She and mom seemed like oil and water at times...and then the very best of friends.  Aunt Alma gave the most wonderful speech at mom's memorial service.  People who never met mom, or only knew her a little, walked away feeling they had known her forever.  What a gift to give to your little sister!

My mother gave me a gift.  When I was going through some of her "boxes of memories" I found a Little article she submitted to the Express Times back in 1990:

I never knew she wrote this little paragraph...thank you mom!  I think I was the one to get the "wonderful present"...the very best mother!

My beautiful wonderful mom!

Saying Goodbye

Alex

My mother was buried this morning and this marks the beginning of my life without her.  I know that due to Dementia she really "left" us several years ago, but she pretty much recognized me until the end.  I cannot imagine life without her, but I have no choice in the matter.

I spent most of the day with my grandson Alex.  From the age of 1 1/2 until almost 3 Alex helped me care for my mother.  He held her cane as I got her dressed or ready for bed.  He would hold her tooth cup at night and rinse her teeth and present them to her in the morning (we called him the "tooth fairy" with tremendous affection).  Alex and mom sat at the same table for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  They had a special bond and love for each other.

Over the past couple years my mother was unable to recognize people.  She forgot her grandchildren and even forgot little Alex.  Alex was sad that Nanny didn't know him but he understood that she was "not feeling well".  He loved her no matter what.

Alex was so concerned that we "bury" Nanny today.  We had the graveside service this morning, but Alex wanted to make sure she was  fully "buried" next to his Pappy, Uncle Tommy and great papa.  He was relieved to see her grave covered and the beautiful flower arrangements on top of her grave.  He told me that Nanny, Uncle Tommy, Pappy and his Great Grandfather are together and he was so happy about it.

I am hurting so much that my mother is now gone...but it took an innocent little boy's words to put the day in perspective...she may be gone from this world but she is now in the best company.

The only sure thing in life is that we all will die.  Mom had a wonderful life and she gave me all the tools I will ever need to continue to live in this world without her!

 

Mom

Carol Jean Geist Dunn 8/27/1920-10/20/2011

My wonderful mother!

May she rest in peace.  I love her with all my heart and feel so blessed that she was my mother.

I love you mommy!

Children

My family home in 1960, right after we moved in.  The 1957 Chevy station wagon is on the left in the garage and the 1959 VW is on the right.

I am so overwhelmed with my mother's end of life care; I want her to leave this life peacefully and without any pain.  She is so fragile and needs constant care.  I do trust she is receiving the best care even though I found her one morning in a condition that should never, ever happen.  I trust it will never happen again...I will be watching to make sure!


Since going to Califon 5 years ago with my late husband to care for my mom after she suffered a stroke, I realized I am truly my mother's daughter.  I have  facial expressions like her and I sing around the house...I even sing answers to my grandson Alex like my mom sang to my children (and to me).  People immediately recognize me as my mother's daughter (people immediately recognized me as my dad's daughter..I think I look more like my dad except for my eyes..I have my mother's eyes). 


My son Tommy was wonderful.  He was always coming over to take care of something.  He was such a joy to have around; his dry sense of humor was unmatched. He loved his family and did all he could to keep us together, especially at holiday times.  He worried about all of us and was there when we were in need.  He was a great blessing....and a loss from which we will never recover in this life.


My daughter Alison and son Steve have always tried to be there. They have given their time and energy to help with some overwhelming tasks at mom's house.  Steve has been putting up a new ceiling in the breezeway and helping with clearing up the numerous fallen branches outside.  There is so much to be done.


I love my family home and wish there was some way of keeping it, but the situation is complicated.  Maybe someday I will be able to find a small country house that will be just the right fit for me.


Meanwhile, I keep my vigil for my mother and I pray for her peaceful passing.  I will miss her more than she will ever know!  I always looked to my parents to be my comfort..now I know I am the one to comfort them.  It is the circle of life...the way it should be!

Running When I Can!!

I am still running, but not at the same level.  This week so far I have run 4 1/4 miles and I have biked 24.25 miles.  I am planning on running 4 miles tomorrow making my weekly total 8 1/2 miles.  I also plan on adding another 6 biking miles, for a total of 30.25 miles.

Today, according to the hospice nurse, my mother is "still hanging in there"...I guess that means she is not dead yet.  I am not completely happy with this hospice the nursing home "likes" so much.  They were suppose to give me at least weekly updates..I finally got my first "update" today after two weeks and leaving several messages.

I go and see my mother at various times..often I am there early in the morning.  I arrived early..8am..yesterday morning to find my mother in bed, smelling of urine and feces...her lips were dry and peeled, her eyes dry and contracted.  I looked around for an aide, but was told the hospice aide was to care for my mother.  The hospice aide arrived at 8:20am and said the usual aide could not make it because the usual aide was on vacation and she was a replacement.  I did not want to get upset in front of my mother because she does still have hearing. I pointed out my mother's condition calmly and thoroughly..even though I wanted to scream!

This morning, after a night of little sleep because I was worried about my mom, I went to the nursing home even earlier than yesterday and I was relieved to find my mother had been given attention to her oral care and her eyes had been given drops so they were well hydrated.  She was clean and appeared comfortable.  I give the aides at the nursing home credit for this..not the hospice aides. 

I will continue to keep a close eye on my mother's care.  She is at the end of her life and she deserves the very best care..any less is criminal! 

I will not accept anything but the best. That is why I chose Country Arch Care Center because they had the best reputation; they have provided exceptional care to my mother.  But this hospice the owners of Country Arch recommended..is questionable. 

I will be watching!

Time...

My mother is so very close to death.  I want to be with her all the time, but it is not feasible.  I need to work to pay my bills, plus most of her bills.  No one is able to help me with this financial burden so I have to work.  I do not have a lot of time to take off from work; I am with her as often as I can.

I do bike and run when I can..it keeps me from going completely bonkers.

My dad passed 21 years ago and it took me a long time to stop crying constantly over his loss (I still cry sometimes because I miss him so much). 

Tommy passed 6 years ago and I will never stop crying..he was my first born...my precious son!

Tom, my husband, passed 3 years ago..I miss him and I feel so angry that he is not here with me now.  It wasn't supposed to be like this.  We were supposed to have the next 30+ years together.  But I am grateful for the time we had...so grateful!

I was so inspired by Steve Job's commencement address at Stanford University class of 2005:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other
people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out
your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow
your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want
to become. Everything else is secondary."

 
I do not want to listen to the negative thoughts or comments directed at me.  I may have 30+ years or minutes left of my life.  It is up to me to make the most of that time.  What others think may be a help or may be a "put down".  I refuse to listen to those who would reign me in...keep me isolated.  I plan on living the rest of the life I have been given to the fullest..to the happiest..to the most productive..to the most joyful and creative!  I do not have time for negativity!

I love you my wonderful mom...you lived your life to the fullest and I intend to live my life the same!

REQUESTING THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!

I am asking for prayers for my mother.  She is on hospice care; she is dying.  She is in the end stages of dementia..unable to take care of any of her basic needs.  She is no longer eating...the end is near.  We love her so very much and pray for a peaceful, painless passing.  I am hoping that people will keep her in their thoughts and their prayers.

My wonderful adorable mother, taken a few months ago!  I love her so very much!



Still Here

I am still here even if I haven't written a post for a while.  I am still running, but I have put training on hold for a while.

I have written about my mother.  She is a sweet, lovely 91 year old retired kindergarten and music teacher.  She was the Organist and Choir Director for the Califon United Methodist Church in New Jersey for 50 years.  She was a wonderful mother, awesome grandmother and very special great-grandmother.  She has so many friends, co-workers, family and former students who love her.  One of my friends Jimmy, who also was her student, wrote:  "Your Mother was a mom to all of us who were lucky enough to have been guided by her in our early lives. My thoughts and prayers will be with her forever and I only wish I could do more."

My mother is now unable to ambulate without assistance, unable to dress without assistance, unable to bathe without assistance, is incontinent, has no meaningful verbal communication, has suffered from aspiration pneumonia and UTIs numerous times in the past 6 months and has stage 3 decubitus ulcers.  She qualified for hospice care.  She began hospice care this week and is not expected to survive much longer.

She is bedridden and will sometimes open her eyes and try to focus on you when you speak to her.  It is not clear whether she recognizes you.  She must be hand fed and is eating most of her food and drinking her liquids;that is a good sign!

I love my mother so very much and this is a very difficult time for me.  I lost my son only 6 years ago and my husband 3 years ago.  Because of the dementia I know I have already "lost" my mom, but it doesn't make this any easier.  I want her to pass peacefully without any pain.  She will be in the best company when she does leave this life.  I will miss her more than she could ever imagine.

My mother serves my birthday cake for my 4th birthday.

I will be back running and training again...not just for me but for my mom, Tom and Tommy.  I just need to take time to be with my mom as she leaves this life. 

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1978!

Hurricane Irene hit us with a vengeance.  The roof suffered the most with numerous shingles blown off by the strong winds!  I could not believe how much water leaked into the attic and down into the living room.  A few days after Irene we had drenching rains that sent even more water down from the roof into the attic and down through the living room ceiling, even though we tried to plug up any holes with roof tar. 

When the water started pouring in, I went up into the attic to save anything that was in harms way.  I frantically dragged boxes of cherished items out of the way.  When I thought all things of value were safe I looked over and saw a purple ribbon.  I picked it up and realized it was my participant ribbon from the very first race I ever entered.  It was from 1978....the Tow Path Run in eastern Pennsylvania.  I looked at the tag where I'd written "2.5 miles, 20 minutes".  Wow, I ran 8 minute miles that day!

It was funny because I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I was so afraid that I would be the slowest runner that I started in the back of the pack.  When the race began I could hardly move; the crowd of runners before me moved so slowly!  It took at least 1/4 mile before I could even take on a "jogging" pace.  It seemed like forever before I could get into my "running" mode. 

I remember being so disappointed with my time.  After all, I ran a 10 mile loop in less than 1 hour during my weekly runs.  I was in my early twenties and I had a lot of energy and endurance.  An 8 minute mile was a huge let-down!

I never made the same mistake again.  In subsequent races I positioned myself closer to the start line and my time improved!

I had to laugh though when I saw the ribbon...I would be so happy if I finished a race now with an 8 minute mile pace!  If I crack a 12 minute mile I am ecstatic! 

Grete Waitz, my hero from the 1970s!

LOVE!

There are so many things I love...I love my grandson Alex, my two sons Tommy (even if he is deceased he is still my son) and Steve, and my daughter Alison. I love my mom and the rest of my family. 

I love my work; I have such love and admiration for the people I work with.... they are awesome.

I love to run, walk, hike and ride my mountain bike.

I love the warm weather. 

I love the sun rise and sunset. 

I love the beautiful white tailed deer that come by every evening. 

I love the cute little humming birds that brighten the day all summer long.

I love the crazy squirrels and little chipmunks that come around several times a day.

Our resident chipmunk  "Mr Chippie".

I love the cardinals, blue jays, swallows, crows, blue birds and other birds that constantly visit  our bird feeders.

I love the stars in the summer sky and the sounds of summer insects.

There is so much to love in this incredible world! 

Life is truly wonderful!

Isn't love grand?

Horrified

I just had to write a short post here about hurricane Irene.  Irene caused havoc in the state of New Jersey as well as many others, especially Vermont...it was not a "little rain storm" as some "commenters" have made on the Internet.  Who are these people?  What planet do they live on?  Certainly not the world I know...

For instance  some comments:

mcfinexAugust 30, 2011 at 5:21AM

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The Star Ledger should correct all of it's headlines. A Hurricane didn't hit NJ. It was a Tropical Storm. So stop the hype!!!

Vested

Vermont: You're faking it.

Signed, The Tea Party.

11 hours ago | Like (2) | Report abuse

The comments above are the "nicer" ones.  There was even one that wished the entire Northeast would have disappeared so that the cost of heating oil in the winter would go down!

Who are these people?  I have a feeling many of them are living in their mommy and daddy's homes, unemployed, without friends and unable to comprehend anything other than the virtual world.  Without a computer and a Blackberry they are nothing.  It is a sad state of affairs for these apparently dysfunctional people...constantly making their negative, vile and evil "comments" after numerous news stories.   I guess I would feel sorry for the pathetic creatures, but they are so lethal that I am left without any empathy for them. 

I have only one suggestion for the various sites they contaminate...please "delete"!

Important Things in Life!

The past week in the northeast has brought us an earthquake and hurricane Irene.  For me, it also brought a week of illness of  high fevers, ear aches, sore throat, nausea, muscle aches and a cough.  Fortunately I am feeling better.  Tonight I went for my first run in over a week.  I ran 2 miles very slowly and carefully..but I ran the 2 miles feeling pretty strong.   It didn't matter that I was slow because running is such a joy for me!  I am grateful for every day I am able to get out there and run.  Not everyone has the ability to run even if they have the desire.

I thought a lot over the past week about my husband Tom.  He died 3 years ago from liver cancer...we know it was cancer even though the death certificate says liver disease; we never had a biopsy of his liver.  There was no point, he was dying and a biopsy would have been too painful and too risky.

Tom was the love of my life.  He was handsome and so charming.  I had never met anyone like him before in my life.  He made me feel like I was someone special.  I was no longer responsible for a sister who was mentally ill.  I was no longer someone that had to take care of someone..I was loved and cared for...I was truly happy!  We were married in my parent's back yard on June 9, 1973.  It was the happiest day of my life.

My handsome Tom as a young Marine during the Vietnam War.

Things went bad for so many reasons..most of them ridiculous..but it is now "water over the bridge".  We divorced in 1975; I always thought of him and wished we would somehow be together again.

After our precious son Tommy died, Tom and I reconnected and remarried.  We had the most wonderful time together.  We knew that Tommy had something to do with our reunion.  When we stood before the Judge, we both felt Tommy was there to witness our marriage the second time around.

Tom and I were partners..we loved each other.  We went to Califon New Jersey to take care of my mother after her stroke.  We had the best time taking walks, feeding "the animals"(the squirrels, birds and deer), and caring for our precious grandson Alex on the weekends. 

Then it came time for us to say goodbye; we were together the morning he passed.

I still love him so much.  I am so grateful that we had our time together.  Not everyone has time like we had.   It was a gift that I carry with me each day.  Life is fleeting..each second is precious.

Too many lives were lost over the past week.  Life is a great gift, I never want to take one second for granted.  I sometimes worry about this generation that seems to want instant fame via YouTube..or other avenues on the Internet.  I would say to them, life is not lived in an instant...it is lived over a lifetime.  Nurture your ambition..your talent...like a fine wine.  Believe me, you will always want to be younger than you are today...stop thinking about age...think instead about your life dreams.  You will accomplish them if you abandon conventional thinking and listen to your heart.  Don't waste the time you have been given, there are no second chances.

Good Night Irene, Goodnight Irene I'll see you in my Dreams (or Nightmares)!

Well, this past week I have been battling illness and unable to run and bike as I planned.   Yesterday I was able to ride my bike for 6 miles and take an easy 2 mile walk.  I planned on running about 2 miles this morning, but did not get up until almost 10am...I never sleep that late!  Maybe it is time for me to recognise the fact that my body needs rest and time to heal.

Hurricane Irene is heading towards New Jersey!  I guess I am ready.  I have 2 flashlights, peanut butter, bread, water, dog food and treats for my doggies, cat food for Beauregard my kitty, fresh fruit and..... my Rosary beads.  I am not crazy about being alone for this...I have never had to face a storm like this alone.  I always had my children, neighbors, husband and friends around me when I faced disaster.  At my mom's house here in New Jersey I feel so lonely.  I know I have friends and neighbors here who will be there for me, but they are not steps away like they are in Pennsylvania. 

Eventually I will get back on track with my workouts and all will be fine.  I just cannot wait to get through the next 24 hours!  I hope Irene turns out to be a much tamer storm than currently predicted.  I hope that everyone gets through this storm without harm.

My mother turned 91 today.  She didn't seem to understand that we were facing a major storm, but she did seem to understand that it was her birthday.  My mother is in the late stages of Dementia.  When I told her she was 91 she shrugged her shoulders, smiled and said,"Oh well, we all have to die someday!". 

Happy 91st birthday mom!

Mom at age 17

Life is wonderful regardless of the hurdles we have to face.  Whether it is a illness or mother nature.  I am hunkering down for Irene and I am hoping and praying that everyone is safe!

I Want to Run!

I went to work last Friday not feeling great, but we had some emergencies and potential emergencies that I needed to attend to.  I immediately was bombarded with phone calls...some where I was put on "conference" call.  I tried to coordinate my efforts to address the issues as I felt more and more achy, feverish and at times unable to catch my breath.  By 11:00am I know it was time to call my doctor for an appointment or wind up being a "911" patient later in the day.

 I was able to see my doctor at 12:30 and even though I had taken a Motrin just over an hour before my appointment I still had a fever. I was prescribed an antibiotic and given a list of over the counter medications to take for my sinus and ear infections. I went home and got in bed. I only got out of bed to feed the animals. 

Later, I called my daughter and told her I didn't know if I could take Alex this weekend.  Alex and I had such fun plans...I had 24 hours to get better.  Well, Saturday I was worse..Alex called me to ask if "it was all gone".  I told him I was still sick...and I was also so sad because I missed him so much.



My precious grandson Alex!



Saturday afternoon I made a quick run to the grocery store (I was out of dog food, milk and bread).  The rest of the time I stayed in bed feeling achy and freezing, even though I took Motrin at regular intervals and about 5 blankets covered me. 

I think my fever broke on Sunday, but the aches and pains didn't subside until Monday.  Monday evening I attempted to take a short walk, but I was not strong enough.

Tuesday I developed a dry cough (after taking Mucinex) and found I had no voice.  Wednesday I returned to the doctors and when he asked how I was feeling I broke into tears.  He prescribed another round of antibiotics (the first round went for 5 days) to be started Thursday or Friday and an inhaler to assist with my breathing.  I left with a doctor's note excusing me from work until next Monday.

I am pleased to say that although it is hoarse, I now have a voice.  I went for a short 1 mile walk this afternoon and felt okay...just a little winded.

My son called me Wednesday and didn't recognise my "voice".  He told me to get back to bed and rest.  Today my daughter said she never remembered me being so sick.  They both forget the times when as children they were sick at the same time...and I also got sick.  At those times the days seemed endless..... sickness...temperatures...soreness...yuckiness!!!  The memories of those times came flooding back to me this week!

I am so grateful that I am getting better.  I hope to be running and biking again by next week.  This week's Daily Mile report will be "0" miles, but that is only this week.  Thankfully there are more weeks to come!

New Giveaway!

Great new YMX tee shirt giveaway: http://pinkhatrunner.blogspot.com/2011/08/ymx-tribal-sea-run-tee-shirt.html!

Isn't it the best when you win something for free!!

Biking Versus Running

I love to run, but I love to mountain bike more.  I just cannot seem to keep to a marathon or half-marathon training schedule because they interfere with the time I have available to exercise (plus my hip has been causing me pain lately when I run).  I want to spend as much time as I can riding my mountain bike on the Columbia and Vorhees State Park trails.  I love the freedom, speed and joy of riding; there is nothing like it.  I loved riding my bike as a child and that has not changed...I love it maybe more now because it propels me back to a time that I had the freedom to experience joy without responsibilities..responsibilities like a job, mortgage, children, grandchildren, health and unexpected emergency expenses!  I feel such abandonment when I ride my bike and I love every second!

It is not that I don't love running, because I do!  I want to eventually run a 1/2 marathon and a marathon, but maybe now is not the time. 

I am concentrating on healing my hip (piriformis syndrome) and looking forward to future 1/2 marathons/marathons when I am injury free.  Meanwhile, I have my first bike race on August 28th on the Columbia Trail!

The Weekend....

Well, I was looking forward to running at least 8 miles this weekend and biking about 30 miles.  However, Thursday night my daughter called me to remind me I was baby sitting from Friday until Sunday.  I cannot run (unless it is on the "dreadmill"..which is now in storage until winter) or bike when my precious grandson Alex is here.  Oh well, running and biking can wait ...plus my hip is hurting again and a couple days off would probably do me a world of good.  I have started doing my hip exercises again..they are so boring..100 times on each side!   It is so boring doing an exercise that calls for 100 repetitions on each side...boring, but necessary if I want my hip to be better!

My son Steve was coming over this weekend and he decided to come over Friday and Saturday too. 

So I had two wonderful, handsome young men spending the weekend with me; my two favorite guys...Steve and Alex!  Running and biking can wait until next week!

Early Saturday Steve went up on the roof, hoping to fix all the leaks.  It looked good until the drenching rains came later Saturday night resulting in two very drippy leaks!  Steve is adamant that he can get the leaks under control and I believe him.  After all, the alternative is to replace the roof at a cost of $8,000.00. 

Steve, Alex and I had a great weekend in spite of the rain, the roof and my laptop...yes my laptop died on Saturday around 12 noon.  There was no way we could resuscitate it....it was deceased!  But we were in luck when we went to Walmart later in the afternoon because Walmart had a clearance sale on HP desk top computers.  I bought a wonderful desk top for $350.00 and Steve set it up for me...it is a beautiful computer!  I love it!

I am pleased that my "scheduled runs/bike rides" had to be altered.  I had a wonderful weekend instead with the two best guys in my life! 

My two guys...Steve and Alex "walking" together at the Ken Lockwood Gorge in New Jersey.

58!

I wrote about Jane Fonda and how disgusted I was that she thinks she is an example to women because she lives a "healthy" lifestyle after having major plastic surgery.  Lately she minimizes the surgery saying it was just the "bags under her eyes"...but if you research it, you will find she had her eyes, jowls and neck done.  I think she looks like her face is stretched and distorted.  She looked so good in the movie "Georgia Rules"..I thought she was a beautiful role model for all women.  Then she got plastic surgery. 

Why is it so "horrible" that we get wrinkles?  Why are drooping jowls so bad?  Life and gravity are constantly taking a toll on our bodies.  What was "up north" begins to move "down south".  That is the natural course of events and it signals experience, maturity, knowledge and wisdom.  Why don't we value aging as most past generations have?  There is so much to learn from the past, maybe that is why our economy is in so much trouble..we have not paid attention to history, if we had, we might have avoided the current crisis.

Life is wonderful!  I wish my Tommy had the chance to live his life beyond a mere 31 years.  He was an amazing man; he made mistakes but he learned from them and became a better person because of them.  I miss him all the time and I live each moment in his honor.  Each day, each year, is a precious gift.  I "earn"  more wrinkles, more sagging jowls each year and I "wear" them with pride!  

I think of my Aunt Mamie..who was the most beautiful woman I have ever known.  She was married to Elston Beaty, the first Mayor of Califon, New Jersey and was 80 years old when I was born.  She gave me my "lady lessons" from the time I was 4 until I was 6 years old. She embraced her gray hair (that once was red) and her wrinkles and she was still a stunning and beautiful woman.

My beautiful Aunt Mamie at 86 years old.

 

I am proud of my wrinkles and drooping jowls.  I have lived the past half of my life to the fullest and I intend to live the next half (God willing) of my life even fuller!  How I live my life is far more important than how I look...and I think I look pretty dam good!!!!

Live life to the fullest..like it is the only one you will ever have!

Running Thoughts

I often wonder what other runners think about when they are running.  Do they listen to music, do they contemplate life or are they thinking of the next race?  Any thoughts are certainly important and meaningful. 

For me, I love the tranquil moments as I run on the Columbia trail or on the trails at Vorhees State Park.  I think about my family, my work, friends and others who are in need of prayers.  Lately, I have been praying my daily Rosary during my morning runs.  I do not have millions of dollars, but I can offer my prayers for those in need.

I like to run alone and I really like it if I am the only one running on the trail.  I often feel disheartened when other runners pass me, some of them even pass me twice.  When I pray, I stop worrying about other runners.  As a result, my running has improved; my pace is getting a little faster each day.

I love morning runs! 

Age is Just a Number

I really am sorry that I have been so down and out lately...but I do struggle at times.  I love my son and I miss him, but I will continue to live my life to the fullest, including embracing myself as I age.

I sometimes I feel as though I am 25...then I look in the mirror.  I am not 25...not 35..not 45...I am 58.  I want to think I do not look my age, but in the scheme of things, does it matter?

I live in a country where I can freely express my opinion and practice my religion.  I may be facing a tremendous hardship handling my mother's affairs, but I am able to feed myself and I have a job.  I run, hike and mountain bike in the most beautiful countryside that exists in the world.

In comparison to many people in this world, I am blessed indeed!  I am truly a very lucky lady!

I could not help but be repulsed by an article I saw on  the Internet this afternoon.  It was about Jane Fonda..the work-out Guru of the 1980s who said she would never get plastic surgery..she would "age gracefully".  Back then I thought she was such a role model.  I have since changed my opinion.  There are many now who still consider her to be a "traitor" from back in the 1970s: http://www.snopes.com/military/fonda.asp.  It seems now that all she cares about is herself...about being "sexy"..ugh..since when is plastic surgery "sexy"?  Maybe it is just me, but she looks disgusting to me. 

A 73 year old surgically made to look....50? 

There are some incredible women who have embraced life, living it to the fullest and enjoying each decade as though they were an Oscar Award for "a life well lived".  One is Lauren Hutton; a beautiful model, actress and activist.  She looks great, without plastic surgery.  Her love of life shines; she is absolutely beautiful! 

Lauren Hutton at age 66 without any plastic surgery; she looks fabulous!

I want to embrace all stages of life, enjoying good food, good friends, a wonderful family, running, biking, hiking and so much more!  I want to make a difference in other people's lives; after all we need to take care of one another.  Life is so fleeting and that is all the more reason to make sure all our actions count...not towards our selfish needs, but towards the best for all.

Six Years

I ran 2.5 miles at Vorhees State Park tonight after a huge thunderstorm.  The woods were wet and the trail was soft, not muddy.  I felt tired and sluggish at first, but after the first half mile I gained momentum.  I probably could have run further, but the air was still heavy and humid and I just didn't want to go any longer!

I feel as though I fail when I do not meet my mileage goals for the week.  I forget sometimes that we cannot always plan our days perfectly...life sometimes leads us to detours.  I had my detour this past week.

Let it suffice to say that I wish I could be released from taking care of my mother's estate.  There are too many people wanting their piece of her and too little that are understanding.  If I had known I would be dealing with this during the worst Recession since the Great Depression, I may not have said "yes" to being my mom's POA.  I am praying for this situation to be resolved.

This past weekend...July 30th..was the 6th anniversary of my son Tommy's death.  He died instantly in a car accident on Old Mill Road near Califon, New Jersey at 5:14 pm.  He was my right arm...my precious child.  I have learned to get up in the morning and get through each day, but the pain of his loss never leaves me.  My heart cries for him and my soul pines.  I miss him all the time.

I started running again in  his memory.  He would ride his bike as I ran back in the 1970's.  Shortly before he died he started running again and wanted me to join him.  I always think of him as I run.

Tommy, a handsome young man!

I am always planning on running a half-marathon or marathon..but I just peter out part way through the training.  Maybe the timing isn't right...maybe I need to reach out and join a running club for support.  I just know that I need to take a hard look at myself and make some changes...without beating myself up for not reaching the goals I thought I should reach.

I forget that I have come so far..and I can continue to move forward, maybe a little slower than originally hoped!

It is really hot outside! Thank goodness running is cool!

I don't mean to complain after the cold, snowy, long, horribly isolating, running limited, dog confining and horrible winter we just had....but it is really hot outside!  I would rather have the heat than the bitter cold and snow, but I am struggling to get my runs in with this weather.

I still am suffering from this upper front-tooth permanent bridge I am having installed by Dr. Bork.  Monday I went for my final impressions and this involved several impressions and cutting of my gums.  Before Dr. finished, the anesthesia was wearing  off...oh, such pain!  I went home and tried to rest after taking Advil.   Later I pushed myself to run..thinking maybe not the 8 mile, but a 2 mile run.  I drove to Vorhees and started running..my mouth was hurting but I kept running.  One mile, two miles....three miles..my teeth stopped hurting and the joy of running kicked in.  I may have been slow, but I was in my element and felt strong.  Maybe it was the increased circulation, but the pain stopped.  Five miles later I stopped; dripping wet from sweat and feeling good!

Yesterday I went to work but felt discomfort from my teeth most of the morning.  In the afternoon the pain got so bad I had to borrow Motrin from my Boss Wendy...she suggested I go home and rest.  I went home and rested, but decided to go out on the trail later to attempt my scheduled 3 mile run.  Back to Vorhees I went..one mile...two miles...three glorious miles!  I felt fabulous..whether it was my circulation or what...running was my path from pain!

Running is the coolest thing!  Running is fun, running is good for you and running can take away tooth pain!   No wonder I love to run!

Today I felt okay..no major pain.  I went to Vorhees after work and completed the 14 exercise stations on the one mile Par Course.  I felt really strong, but "buggy".  How come the bugs do not realise I have bug repellent on?   I hate..no I am repelled, by the smell of the spray, but the bugs at Vorhees are apparently attracted by the smell..go figure?